I have _so_ had it with how slow this computer can be at times, and it's not due to the processor speed, which is sluggish by today's standards, but due to the rather minimal RAM. I've only got 128MB of RAM on this thing, which kind of sucks, but I keep finding other things to do with $150.00-$200.00 it'd take to jack up the RAM. At least ninety-nine bucks to double what I have. Lesson: don't go cheap when buying a computer. Get everything on it you can possibly afford, because it'll be more expensive to upgrade it later.
I think buying a computer is like building or renovating a home in that it's better to go ahead an upgrade what you have while you're there and doing it than to put it off and pay more later. I'm thinking specifically of, for example, if you are doing a major renovation and find something structurally wrong but can let it go, opting to pay to fix that later. That's more expensive (more labor to get the guys back where they were when they found the problem). With computers, it's just better to max it out as much as possible, knowing it's better to have too much computer than too little.
And invest in disk fixing software, like Norton Utilities or something. I didn't, and I'm wondering how much better my computer would probably be performing (it's doing well, but not as well as I think it _can_ do) were I able to de-fragment the thing. I almost, _almost_ shudder to think what that hard drive looks like after years of adding and erasing stuff. It's not always a neat, tidy process. Things get grouped when possible, but sometimes there's not enough room in a certain sector, so information had to go into another, hopefully nearby, sectory. Kind of like if you move out of your parents' home, they rent your room, and you come back--no room for you. Now you go in the basement. Same space, different place.
I've been looking on peoples' blogs, not on this blogging site but on another sorta similar space. Why do people not take care to be somewhat more grammatically correct when writing? Just because it's a blog to your friends doesn't mean you should throw out good, proper English in favor of, shall we say, trendily truncated netglish. Or maybe I'm an old fart. Whichever, the point stands. I think if the truncation is functional, fine. If it's somebody trying to be cool, forget it. Filmmakers in the mid-90s tried to emulate the coolness and feel of Quentin Tarantino's _Pulp Fiction_, but they came up mostly with pale imitations and parodies. It you're not Tarantino, don't try to be. Be you. I think being him is how he got to be "Quentin Tarantino" the famous writer/director, not necessarily by parrotting somebody else.
I dunno. I think trends should generally be avoided. Going with the flow often leads one over a cliff.
Saturday, 19 March 2005
Tuesday, 15 March 2005
scream
Okay, so I didn't come up with much of a title.
I'm sitting here at 12:31am listening to music on my headphones to drown out the rhythmically creaking bed upstairs. What's kinda funny is I heard somebody knock on the upstairs resident's door about two minutes before the bed started creaking. What? No hello? Sheesh. Sounds like a booty call.
I'm being engulfed by smoke from jasmine incense. I like it a lot; better even than sandalwood, which is one of my favorites.
Actually, that's one of the best things about having my own place: I love incense, and where I stayed for most of the time in Oklahoma it wasn't allowed. Too messy. Well, that it is. Candles are much cleaner, and the smoke is a little distracting as it roils around me, myself being the object with the greatest gravitational pull in the immediate vicinity.
Ever notice that around a campfire on a windless night the smoke tends to follow you wherever you sit around it. That's because of gravity. The object with the greatest grav pull will get smoked, simple as that. What's also funny is that I never thought of myself as having, or generating, a gravitational field, but I guess everything does to some extent. Otherwise what keeps a proton spinning around an electron (or is it the other way around)?
I remember Kenneth Copeland opening my eyes to something very, very interesting: God is as small as he is big. It's everywhere. Copeland was talking about how people thought the smallest thing was the atom, then they found parts of an atom and parts of those parts and parts of _those_ parts and on down the line. It's really amazing, actually. I mean, think of it: we could be really quite small compared to a lot of other stuff. I mean not just us but our universe. What if our whole universe is to some other beings like an atom is to us? And how small does small get, exactly? Is there such a thing as nothing? Utter nothing? We know there's absolute zero, where according to Wikipedia, no further energy may be extracted, although atoms still move a bit depending on what they're of and, I think, relative to the space they're in.
I think scientists can get close to that cold with some machines, but not quite there. And, by the way, that's, like, zero Kelvin, or, according to Wikipedia, about -459 degrees. Interesting stuff here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absolute_zero
Friggin' BRRR!
What this has to do with anything is that it's amazing, now that I think of it, that even at such fierce temperatures, there's still motion, still energy, however minimal. Wow.
I'm sitting here at 12:31am listening to music on my headphones to drown out the rhythmically creaking bed upstairs. What's kinda funny is I heard somebody knock on the upstairs resident's door about two minutes before the bed started creaking. What? No hello? Sheesh. Sounds like a booty call.
I'm being engulfed by smoke from jasmine incense. I like it a lot; better even than sandalwood, which is one of my favorites.
Actually, that's one of the best things about having my own place: I love incense, and where I stayed for most of the time in Oklahoma it wasn't allowed. Too messy. Well, that it is. Candles are much cleaner, and the smoke is a little distracting as it roils around me, myself being the object with the greatest gravitational pull in the immediate vicinity.
Ever notice that around a campfire on a windless night the smoke tends to follow you wherever you sit around it. That's because of gravity. The object with the greatest grav pull will get smoked, simple as that. What's also funny is that I never thought of myself as having, or generating, a gravitational field, but I guess everything does to some extent. Otherwise what keeps a proton spinning around an electron (or is it the other way around)?
I remember Kenneth Copeland opening my eyes to something very, very interesting: God is as small as he is big. It's everywhere. Copeland was talking about how people thought the smallest thing was the atom, then they found parts of an atom and parts of those parts and parts of _those_ parts and on down the line. It's really amazing, actually. I mean, think of it: we could be really quite small compared to a lot of other stuff. I mean not just us but our universe. What if our whole universe is to some other beings like an atom is to us? And how small does small get, exactly? Is there such a thing as nothing? Utter nothing? We know there's absolute zero, where according to Wikipedia, no further energy may be extracted, although atoms still move a bit depending on what they're of and, I think, relative to the space they're in.
I think scientists can get close to that cold with some machines, but not quite there. And, by the way, that's, like, zero Kelvin, or, according to Wikipedia, about -459 degrees. Interesting stuff here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absolute_zero
Friggin' BRRR!
What this has to do with anything is that it's amazing, now that I think of it, that even at such fierce temperatures, there's still motion, still energy, however minimal. Wow.
Monday, 14 March 2005
good friends, good sense
I’m SO grateful for wise, plain-spoken friends. I had started to stress over something a friend of mine said, a friend in whom I could be interested. What they said was pretty out of the blue and indicative of an interest in me, which I didn’t think would or should happen, but which I might welcome. So I stressed over it, but I recognized it and called my best friend. She said don’t worry about it, that this other friend was probably just trying to have fun. And I received that in a way I wouldn’t have years ago. So I’m grateful.
Saturday, 12 March 2005
demo scene
3/11/05
Well, we got the demo scene shot. It went really well, and I can even stand to look at myself on-screen. One thing that came out of it is the inescapable conclusion that I need to lose weight. About thirty, forty pounds should do it. In the scene, I have about two chins and a gut from here to Gibraltar.
Performance-wise, well, Victoria, my scene partner, gave me some good advice: don’t over-analyse myself. Just be myself as the character. Also, slow down on delivery. See, beginners, or those unsure of themselves, tend to want to rush things, and not just in the acting field, though that’s what we’re talking about here. In that context, what I need to do is prepare, be comfortable and relax--then I can really play and show what I can do.
Victoria, I think, outshone me by a pretty good margin, and I mean that as a compliment. She’s just a very good actor--I told one director she’s the total package: beautiful, smart, kind _and_ she can act. The director agreed. He mentioned that with some people, he can’t let them talk, though they have a good screen presence, because they can’t deliver a line. So they do well as long as they don’t open their mouths.
I’m finding the experience rather inspiring: I’ve started exercising and am pretty committed to that--I’m grateful that I used to do a lot of it, so I have some idea of what to do, what I like, that sort of thing. Thing is, and this is a revelation, I now understand why movie stars are so concerned about their looks: the camera adds heft to you, and if you’re already too heavy, you’ll look more so. Not good if you want something other than character roles, I should think.
“Great. He’s turning over a new leaf. We’ll see how long that lasts,” thinks the cynical reader. No, it’s not a new leaf, and it’ll last until I get to the shape I want to be in. I like this acting thing, and I want to stick with it, and I want ot be a little more presentable on film. I don’t want to be consigned to being the fat, swarthy character guy who’s the hero’s best buddy or wingman. That’s what one agent described me as: you’re the hero’s best friend. Okay, I can deal with that, but I still think if I’m just in better shape, maybe I can get the girl, too.
That’s another thing. I can tell myself some girls like a man with a little padding. They do. But if I’m not confident in how I look, that insecurity’s going to radiate out and be like a warning beacon to some.
Of course, this is all in addition to keeping working on, developing the inner man as well. That’s what’s most important.
Well, we got the demo scene shot. It went really well, and I can even stand to look at myself on-screen. One thing that came out of it is the inescapable conclusion that I need to lose weight. About thirty, forty pounds should do it. In the scene, I have about two chins and a gut from here to Gibraltar.
Performance-wise, well, Victoria, my scene partner, gave me some good advice: don’t over-analyse myself. Just be myself as the character. Also, slow down on delivery. See, beginners, or those unsure of themselves, tend to want to rush things, and not just in the acting field, though that’s what we’re talking about here. In that context, what I need to do is prepare, be comfortable and relax--then I can really play and show what I can do.
Victoria, I think, outshone me by a pretty good margin, and I mean that as a compliment. She’s just a very good actor--I told one director she’s the total package: beautiful, smart, kind _and_ she can act. The director agreed. He mentioned that with some people, he can’t let them talk, though they have a good screen presence, because they can’t deliver a line. So they do well as long as they don’t open their mouths.
I’m finding the experience rather inspiring: I’ve started exercising and am pretty committed to that--I’m grateful that I used to do a lot of it, so I have some idea of what to do, what I like, that sort of thing. Thing is, and this is a revelation, I now understand why movie stars are so concerned about their looks: the camera adds heft to you, and if you’re already too heavy, you’ll look more so. Not good if you want something other than character roles, I should think.
“Great. He’s turning over a new leaf. We’ll see how long that lasts,” thinks the cynical reader. No, it’s not a new leaf, and it’ll last until I get to the shape I want to be in. I like this acting thing, and I want to stick with it, and I want ot be a little more presentable on film. I don’t want to be consigned to being the fat, swarthy character guy who’s the hero’s best buddy or wingman. That’s what one agent described me as: you’re the hero’s best friend. Okay, I can deal with that, but I still think if I’m just in better shape, maybe I can get the girl, too.
That’s another thing. I can tell myself some girls like a man with a little padding. They do. But if I’m not confident in how I look, that insecurity’s going to radiate out and be like a warning beacon to some.
Of course, this is all in addition to keeping working on, developing the inner man as well. That’s what’s most important.
Thursday, 10 March 2005
on _the notebook_
I just saw this movie. Just finished it a few minutes ago.
It took me long enough. To see the movie, I mean.
It makes me want to change the ending of the demo scene I just shot last evening. In it, I had two friends who have feelings for each other but won't admit them. It takes place on their last evening together before one of them leaves for a year on a research grant. The other is seeing somebody, and the two friends halfway acknowledge their feelings, but they cut them short, ending with my character closing the door and breaking down a little, crying, kissing a keepsake she's given me and then walking off camera. This is because I didn't want it to get weird. I didn't want to push it too far and get either sentimental or creepy.
_The Notebook_ made me want to add a bit to that scene, something where I open the door again, call her back and ask her to wait for me.
That's saying something. The movie makes me want to change what I did, but the scene is already shot and it would be too difficult to go with what would seem a natural extension of the scene--and it would make it look relatively typically Hollywood--but that's not a bad thing.
Anyway, that'll teach me to hold back, huh? As it is, the scene ends downbeat, and I'd like it upbeat. I don't think I can work on it to make ti so, as it was all done in basically two shots. Oh, well. Next time, I'm not holding anything back--you really can't, or the audience will pick up on it.
Okay, so _The Notebook_ touched me. Quite a bit, really. Very good movie. If you haven't seen it yet, I give it my highest recommendation. See it.
Now...about _Whale Rider_...
It took me long enough. To see the movie, I mean.
It makes me want to change the ending of the demo scene I just shot last evening. In it, I had two friends who have feelings for each other but won't admit them. It takes place on their last evening together before one of them leaves for a year on a research grant. The other is seeing somebody, and the two friends halfway acknowledge their feelings, but they cut them short, ending with my character closing the door and breaking down a little, crying, kissing a keepsake she's given me and then walking off camera. This is because I didn't want it to get weird. I didn't want to push it too far and get either sentimental or creepy.
_The Notebook_ made me want to add a bit to that scene, something where I open the door again, call her back and ask her to wait for me.
That's saying something. The movie makes me want to change what I did, but the scene is already shot and it would be too difficult to go with what would seem a natural extension of the scene--and it would make it look relatively typically Hollywood--but that's not a bad thing.
Anyway, that'll teach me to hold back, huh? As it is, the scene ends downbeat, and I'd like it upbeat. I don't think I can work on it to make ti so, as it was all done in basically two shots. Oh, well. Next time, I'm not holding anything back--you really can't, or the audience will pick up on it.
Okay, so _The Notebook_ touched me. Quite a bit, really. Very good movie. If you haven't seen it yet, I give it my highest recommendation. See it.
Now...about _Whale Rider_...
Wednesday, 9 March 2005
perspective
3/8/05
Y'know, sometimes you just have to let shit go. I've been stewing for the last day and a half over something my brother said a while ago, which I absorbed but disregarded for a couple of weeks but which cropped up again just yesterday. The reason is because I didn't have a good relationship with our dad, so when my brother manifests something that reminds me a lot of Dad, I start to resent him. My brother, I mean. And if he says something, I know he doesn't mean it to be cruel or even just mean, but there's that reminder of Dad. There's nothing my brother can do about that, nor should he, as it's a problem with me, not with him. Nevertheless, sometimes I think the more my brother reminds me of our dad, the less I like my brother.
That's a problem.
My brother is not my dad. It's unfair to treat him as such.
Really, I think it's just an attack of the enemy, trying to dredge up crap to get me hating and to have me forget who I really am. I'm saved. I'm a child of God. I'm an heir to the Kingdom of God. I'm a prince of Heaven. I'm only a little lower than the angels, thought there are some that say Christians are, or will be, on a higher level than the angels. I think it's lower now and higher when we go home. The point is, there are times when I have to remember one of God's consistent admonishments to me: "Remember who you are."
I am royalty.
A lot of people are going to scoff at that, but all Christians are such. It's not just me. Heaven is a kingdom, and we are heirs to that kingdom--we're sons and daughters of God. We're part of the greatest family in existence.
So. I don't have time or inclination to be hating like I have been recently, and I repent of that.
Y'know, sometimes you just have to let shit go. I've been stewing for the last day and a half over something my brother said a while ago, which I absorbed but disregarded for a couple of weeks but which cropped up again just yesterday. The reason is because I didn't have a good relationship with our dad, so when my brother manifests something that reminds me a lot of Dad, I start to resent him. My brother, I mean. And if he says something, I know he doesn't mean it to be cruel or even just mean, but there's that reminder of Dad. There's nothing my brother can do about that, nor should he, as it's a problem with me, not with him. Nevertheless, sometimes I think the more my brother reminds me of our dad, the less I like my brother.
That's a problem.
My brother is not my dad. It's unfair to treat him as such.
Really, I think it's just an attack of the enemy, trying to dredge up crap to get me hating and to have me forget who I really am. I'm saved. I'm a child of God. I'm an heir to the Kingdom of God. I'm a prince of Heaven. I'm only a little lower than the angels, thought there are some that say Christians are, or will be, on a higher level than the angels. I think it's lower now and higher when we go home. The point is, there are times when I have to remember one of God's consistent admonishments to me: "Remember who you are."
I am royalty.
A lot of people are going to scoff at that, but all Christians are such. It's not just me. Heaven is a kingdom, and we are heirs to that kingdom--we're sons and daughters of God. We're part of the greatest family in existence.
So. I don't have time or inclination to be hating like I have been recently, and I repent of that.
Monday, 7 March 2005
no title...so there!
3/05/05
I was just reading something on an internet site about Dana Plato and the downward spiral she’d taken since _Diff’rent Strokes_. It got me thinking of “what if”.
In 1989, approximately, when I was about eighteen years of age, and I stood in front of my sister Jane, having been given a choice. I had money to go to California, bus fare anyway, and that was about it. I wanted to go. She didn’t think it was a good idea, and she asked me, “So you gonna go or stay?”
I said I’d stay.
What if I hadn’t? What if I had gone? What would have happened? Worst case scenario, at least on the surface, I would have gotten mugged, abused, killed. One or all of the three. Best case scenario, I would have gotten a call on my first try and made some money and would have done well there. It could happen.
I reflect now on the state I was in at eighteen, mentally and spiritually, I wouldn’t have been so much afraid of Los Angeles but foolish. I could see myself allowing myself to do things, perhaps, that I wouldn’t let myself do now. The point is, even in the best of cases, I wonder if I would have wound up a has-been--having tasted fame and money and frittered it away through foolishness, consigned to a life of D-movies and seedy fair-weather friends and landlords at my door waiting with eviction notices in their back pockets.
But what if it wasn’t that bad? Here’s the key: I don’t know that I was in a state to handle it even if everything worked out well. There were too many things wrong, mentally and spiritually, too many things I had to work out, and which I’ve spent most of the last fifteen-to-eighteen years coming to terms with.
Sure, God would have helped. He probably would have saved my life one way or another, but, all told, I’m glad I went the other way and will be coming at the film industry from a different place, with a firmer foundation spiritually, mentally and emotionally.
Amazing, isn’t it, how God works things out?
3/6/05
I got to church today. Didn’t give my tithe because I hadn’t the money, but did give a modest offering for the building, and I’m believing for at least a hundred-fold return on that.
I’m working today with a guy who’s been here for a while but who’s moved from his shift to mine. I had some trepidation, having had a not-so-great first impression of the guy, but he seems like an okay Joe. I think I was prejudiced agianst him because he looked like stereotypical jock/frat boy type. Who knows.
Y’know, sometimes I wonder what the people who read this blog must think of me, all these weaknesses and foibles I’m revealing here. Then I figure, “Who gived a crap?” If peple don’t want to read it, they don’t have to. I jsut make it available partially as a help to myself, like journaling, and partially to help others. Maybe something that’s said here can be applied to somebody else’s life, or at least a common thread, a common line of communication, can be found.
Remember the Pet Shop Boys song _West End Girls_? I’ve got that in my head right now. Kind of makes me wan to go to London, as i’ve been wanting to do forEVER. I keep saying I think it’s the perfect starter foreign country: far enough away to be very different from America, and yet you can still get along because you speak roughly the same language, minus certain turns of phrase. I feel called to Europe, specifically England. Yeah, like, eriously, God wants me to do there. I’ll have to pray about this and see what’s the thing God wants me to do. And, no, this doesnt’ stem from hearing the Pet Shop Boys song. I’ve wanted to go to England since before that song came out, I think.
One of the things I’ve really bee struggling with lately is guilt over quitting Hollywood so soon, concern over what people think of me out there, if they think of me at all. Thing is, I already know--they think well of me. I just don’t think well of how I did out there. That I could have done better. But that’s just condemnation and guilt talking.
I’ve got restless feet. First I wanted to go to California, now I want to go to England. Perhaps stemming from moving around a certain amount as a child, I am good for abotu two years in any one place, and the n I really wan tto move. The only exception to that was when I lived in Iowa City. I was prepared totstay there the rest of my life if things worked otu, but they didn’t. So am I prepared to stay in Tulsa for the rest of my life if things work out here? they’d hav eto do so handsomely. On the other hand, it’ll take a pretty clear word from God to get me to move now. I don’t think I’ll move for a while. What I will look forward to is taking my pastor’s advice regarding a move: go to the palce where you’re wanting to move a couple times first. Acclimate yourself to it. See if it’s really what you want to do, what you’re supposed to do. That’s what I didn’t do in California; I should have seen it, as my brotehr-in-law suggested, as an extended vacation, where I’m just checking th eplace out. I should have just stayed there about three weeks just to get a feel for the place, then, if I liked it, come back and get more money and then move back out there.
But God is making some wonderful things happen here, not least of which is the short-short I’m going ot be shooting in my apartment on Weds. It’s going to be part of my demo reel, or it may be the whole thing. I don’t know. I do knw that I’m dgoing to have aobut six people in the apartment, maybe seven, and I need to feed them occationally through out the three-hour shoot. At least some really good snacks, but I’m thinking more along the lines of take-away Zio’s or Pizza Hut. We’ll see.
I was just reading something on an internet site about Dana Plato and the downward spiral she’d taken since _Diff’rent Strokes_. It got me thinking of “what if”.
In 1989, approximately, when I was about eighteen years of age, and I stood in front of my sister Jane, having been given a choice. I had money to go to California, bus fare anyway, and that was about it. I wanted to go. She didn’t think it was a good idea, and she asked me, “So you gonna go or stay?”
I said I’d stay.
What if I hadn’t? What if I had gone? What would have happened? Worst case scenario, at least on the surface, I would have gotten mugged, abused, killed. One or all of the three. Best case scenario, I would have gotten a call on my first try and made some money and would have done well there. It could happen.
I reflect now on the state I was in at eighteen, mentally and spiritually, I wouldn’t have been so much afraid of Los Angeles but foolish. I could see myself allowing myself to do things, perhaps, that I wouldn’t let myself do now. The point is, even in the best of cases, I wonder if I would have wound up a has-been--having tasted fame and money and frittered it away through foolishness, consigned to a life of D-movies and seedy fair-weather friends and landlords at my door waiting with eviction notices in their back pockets.
But what if it wasn’t that bad? Here’s the key: I don’t know that I was in a state to handle it even if everything worked out well. There were too many things wrong, mentally and spiritually, too many things I had to work out, and which I’ve spent most of the last fifteen-to-eighteen years coming to terms with.
Sure, God would have helped. He probably would have saved my life one way or another, but, all told, I’m glad I went the other way and will be coming at the film industry from a different place, with a firmer foundation spiritually, mentally and emotionally.
Amazing, isn’t it, how God works things out?
3/6/05
I got to church today. Didn’t give my tithe because I hadn’t the money, but did give a modest offering for the building, and I’m believing for at least a hundred-fold return on that.
I’m working today with a guy who’s been here for a while but who’s moved from his shift to mine. I had some trepidation, having had a not-so-great first impression of the guy, but he seems like an okay Joe. I think I was prejudiced agianst him because he looked like stereotypical jock/frat boy type. Who knows.
Y’know, sometimes I wonder what the people who read this blog must think of me, all these weaknesses and foibles I’m revealing here. Then I figure, “Who gived a crap?” If peple don’t want to read it, they don’t have to. I jsut make it available partially as a help to myself, like journaling, and partially to help others. Maybe something that’s said here can be applied to somebody else’s life, or at least a common thread, a common line of communication, can be found.
Remember the Pet Shop Boys song _West End Girls_? I’ve got that in my head right now. Kind of makes me wan to go to London, as i’ve been wanting to do forEVER. I keep saying I think it’s the perfect starter foreign country: far enough away to be very different from America, and yet you can still get along because you speak roughly the same language, minus certain turns of phrase. I feel called to Europe, specifically England. Yeah, like, eriously, God wants me to do there. I’ll have to pray about this and see what’s the thing God wants me to do. And, no, this doesnt’ stem from hearing the Pet Shop Boys song. I’ve wanted to go to England since before that song came out, I think.
One of the things I’ve really bee struggling with lately is guilt over quitting Hollywood so soon, concern over what people think of me out there, if they think of me at all. Thing is, I already know--they think well of me. I just don’t think well of how I did out there. That I could have done better. But that’s just condemnation and guilt talking.
I’ve got restless feet. First I wanted to go to California, now I want to go to England. Perhaps stemming from moving around a certain amount as a child, I am good for abotu two years in any one place, and the n I really wan tto move. The only exception to that was when I lived in Iowa City. I was prepared totstay there the rest of my life if things worked otu, but they didn’t. So am I prepared to stay in Tulsa for the rest of my life if things work out here? they’d hav eto do so handsomely. On the other hand, it’ll take a pretty clear word from God to get me to move now. I don’t think I’ll move for a while. What I will look forward to is taking my pastor’s advice regarding a move: go to the palce where you’re wanting to move a couple times first. Acclimate yourself to it. See if it’s really what you want to do, what you’re supposed to do. That’s what I didn’t do in California; I should have seen it, as my brotehr-in-law suggested, as an extended vacation, where I’m just checking th eplace out. I should have just stayed there about three weeks just to get a feel for the place, then, if I liked it, come back and get more money and then move back out there.
But God is making some wonderful things happen here, not least of which is the short-short I’m going ot be shooting in my apartment on Weds. It’s going to be part of my demo reel, or it may be the whole thing. I don’t know. I do knw that I’m dgoing to have aobut six people in the apartment, maybe seven, and I need to feed them occationally through out the three-hour shoot. At least some really good snacks, but I’m thinking more along the lines of take-away Zio’s or Pizza Hut. We’ll see.
Wednesday, 2 March 2005
bluh, corporations
3/1/05
What now? I’ve got maybe two minutes to write something before I need to head off to work--
Ever have one of those forced conversations where neither you nor the other party has any idea what to say? You can tell when the conversation’s forced when more than one sentence in ten starts with “So...” I had that happen once, when I met my future brother-in-law. Much older than I--and he started a lot of sentences that way. We get along quite well now, but I could tell how uncomfortable he was then. It was almost funny.
Okay, I’m at work now. It’s getting on toward the end of the evening. We’ve got perhaps three hours to go. In a few minutes, I’ll get some more stuff done.
I’m just praying right now that my check comes in tonight or tomorrow night. It’d just be nice, since rent’s due and all. I mean, I have, really, until the sixth to pay it before I incur a late charge, but the sooner the better. I would have paid it last week but for fear of a couple things hitting my account, which haven’t hit yet, and overdrawing it. I wouldn’t want to be sixty bucks down if I didn’t have to be. Anyway, the apartment manager knows what’s up, and I’m fine as long as they get their money by the time they open up on the sixth.
What I’m going to do next, once rent’s paid, is save up and pay another month’s rent, just to be safe. I’d love to be a month ahead for the rest of my least. Maybe even two months. That way, if the unthinkable happens, I’m fine for a while, anyway.
Oh, I also still need to get my car fixed.
I’ve been thinking about getting a new car, but I’m going to save that for when I’m hired on at this company rather than just temping it. I may be a long-term temp, but I would not feel entirely comfortable buying a car when I’m a temp just because I don’t feel as secure as I otherwise might. Nothing like driving a nice new car with a sooty, snotty cloud of doubt and fear hovering over you everywhere you go.
I got Todd’s stereo now, and it works well. I just have to get a couple of cables and maybe take the woofer box in to have it checked out. He said, though, that he figures I’m going to want to get something better eventually. He’s right--not necessarily better, though that’s always appreciated, but something more up-to-date--newer. Something with component inputs and a subwoofer output, say a 5.1 or 6.1 system, or even a 7.1, though I think that’s overkill. Ideally, I’d just have a 5.1, which is two front speakers, two rears and a center, hence the five. The one is the subwoofer. I suppose to get more theatre-like, if I were to try for the ultimate, I’d have to get, like a 14.2 or 16.2, but I don’t even know if those are available to regular consumers.
No, next step in the entertainment system is a 27” Panasonic flatscreen TV. I don’t need HDTV, thank you very much. Maybe a 32” one, come to think of it, but I don’t know. $550.00 or so is a lot for a TV for me.
I did find a possible way to view my movies on a TV monitor--I mean the movies I make on iMovie: there’s an adapter for about twenty-nine dollars I can get at CompUSA in their wonderful Apple Store, aka Nirvanatopia.
Stephen King says he writes his dreams. He writes about dreams a fair amount as well, as far as I can tell from what I’ve read of the _Dark Tower_ series. I’ve written about my dreams as well, but not perhaps incorporated as much of my own dreams into the stories I write. I really should keep a notepad by the bed and write in it when I wake up at night, if I do, or as soon as possible after devotions in the morning. Or just for free-writing exercises, whose value can, as with many things, be measured by their yield: in this case, ideas.
All right, something just happened that I’m going to vent a little on, maybe it’ll do some good.
I just got home and found two messages on my answering machine. Each of them said, “Please hold one moment for an important message. All of our associates are currently unavailable.” Now, that’s just rude, to call somebody and immediately ask them to hold. But what’s strange is we actually do it. Corporations, stop calling people and asking or telling them to hold. Whatever our situation, our time is valuable, and if you’ve got too few people to have a person on the line when you call us, then you need to add more people. Create more jobs that way.
And another thing: I can see the value of phone trees, the menus, but it’s getting a little ridiculous. There’s a line in _Demolition Man_ where Rob Schneider, a cop, answers the police station phone, “San Angeles Police Department. This is an actual person. If you’d like to speak to a machine, please press one.” That’s where things are going. And we’re letting it get that way.
People, we have to stop being so complacent, just accepting things the way they are and figuring there’s no use fighting corporations or Big Brother or whomever, so we give up before the fight even starts. Don’t. Fight. Fight stupidity. Fight bone-headed decisions. Fight mediocrity. Even if your voice _alone_ isn’t going to make much of a difference, voice your concern anyway. Then somebody else will be encouraged to, and as more voices are added, things will change. But you have to stand up. You have to make an effort. Don’t just lie down and go with the flow and let stupid, inane, insane, ridiculous stuff happen and then bitch about it when it happens: WE LET IT HAPPEN!
Don’t.
Case in point: many manufacturers don’t make things to last anymore. Maybe they figure that at the rate tech is changing, people will want new stuff sooner than they used to anyway. And in many cases, they’re right. But not always. For myself, I demand quality in whatever I break down enough to buy because if it’s expensive, I want it to be the last XYZ thing I’ll need for a very long time. Thing is, many manufacturers are listening instead to people who demand a lower price over quality. So people, i.e., US, are willing to sell out quality, a certain amount of it, for a cheap product we can get now. This is stupid. Say you buy a printer at eighty dollars, knowing in two years, one year, you’ll have to buy another one because the one you just got will have broken down. You accept that and buy the cheap printer anyway. Stupid. Go for quality even if you have to pay a little more. Better to pay a hundred and ten dollars now for a printer that’ll last, say, five years or more, than to keep nickel and diming yourself to death, eighty bucks at a time.
“But I need a printer now.” Well, know what you got, but before that, decide if it’s really a NEED or a want. See things objectively and you’ll realize that, ofttimes, what we’ve convinced ourselves is a need is really just a want. I’ve done it often myself. What do we really NEED? Food, water and shelter, and the shelter is negotiable depending on climate. Those are your needs. Period.
Wait a little while. I’ve told this story before: I asked a friend of mine for advice on buying a stereo, and he and his father both gave good advice. My friend said that when you see something you want to get, wait a week, go back and see if you still want it. If you do, get it. If you don’t, you just saved yourself the money you would have spent on an impulse purchase. His father said, when picking out a stereo [this can apply to so much other stuff], choose the one you want, then go one step higher if you can afford it. That way, you won’t be pining for something better for a longer time than you otherwise might. No need to wait forever, but waiting a little while isn’t gonna kill you. Hold out for quality, spend a little more (nothing unreasonable--demand quality _and_ a reasonable price) all at once, and you’ll have more dough in the long run.
There is a spiritual connection here. I might get into that later.
What now? I’ve got maybe two minutes to write something before I need to head off to work--
Ever have one of those forced conversations where neither you nor the other party has any idea what to say? You can tell when the conversation’s forced when more than one sentence in ten starts with “So...” I had that happen once, when I met my future brother-in-law. Much older than I--and he started a lot of sentences that way. We get along quite well now, but I could tell how uncomfortable he was then. It was almost funny.
Okay, I’m at work now. It’s getting on toward the end of the evening. We’ve got perhaps three hours to go. In a few minutes, I’ll get some more stuff done.
I’m just praying right now that my check comes in tonight or tomorrow night. It’d just be nice, since rent’s due and all. I mean, I have, really, until the sixth to pay it before I incur a late charge, but the sooner the better. I would have paid it last week but for fear of a couple things hitting my account, which haven’t hit yet, and overdrawing it. I wouldn’t want to be sixty bucks down if I didn’t have to be. Anyway, the apartment manager knows what’s up, and I’m fine as long as they get their money by the time they open up on the sixth.
What I’m going to do next, once rent’s paid, is save up and pay another month’s rent, just to be safe. I’d love to be a month ahead for the rest of my least. Maybe even two months. That way, if the unthinkable happens, I’m fine for a while, anyway.
Oh, I also still need to get my car fixed.
I’ve been thinking about getting a new car, but I’m going to save that for when I’m hired on at this company rather than just temping it. I may be a long-term temp, but I would not feel entirely comfortable buying a car when I’m a temp just because I don’t feel as secure as I otherwise might. Nothing like driving a nice new car with a sooty, snotty cloud of doubt and fear hovering over you everywhere you go.
I got Todd’s stereo now, and it works well. I just have to get a couple of cables and maybe take the woofer box in to have it checked out. He said, though, that he figures I’m going to want to get something better eventually. He’s right--not necessarily better, though that’s always appreciated, but something more up-to-date--newer. Something with component inputs and a subwoofer output, say a 5.1 or 6.1 system, or even a 7.1, though I think that’s overkill. Ideally, I’d just have a 5.1, which is two front speakers, two rears and a center, hence the five. The one is the subwoofer. I suppose to get more theatre-like, if I were to try for the ultimate, I’d have to get, like a 14.2 or 16.2, but I don’t even know if those are available to regular consumers.
No, next step in the entertainment system is a 27” Panasonic flatscreen TV. I don’t need HDTV, thank you very much. Maybe a 32” one, come to think of it, but I don’t know. $550.00 or so is a lot for a TV for me.
I did find a possible way to view my movies on a TV monitor--I mean the movies I make on iMovie: there’s an adapter for about twenty-nine dollars I can get at CompUSA in their wonderful Apple Store, aka Nirvanatopia.
Stephen King says he writes his dreams. He writes about dreams a fair amount as well, as far as I can tell from what I’ve read of the _Dark Tower_ series. I’ve written about my dreams as well, but not perhaps incorporated as much of my own dreams into the stories I write. I really should keep a notepad by the bed and write in it when I wake up at night, if I do, or as soon as possible after devotions in the morning. Or just for free-writing exercises, whose value can, as with many things, be measured by their yield: in this case, ideas.
All right, something just happened that I’m going to vent a little on, maybe it’ll do some good.
I just got home and found two messages on my answering machine. Each of them said, “Please hold one moment for an important message. All of our associates are currently unavailable.” Now, that’s just rude, to call somebody and immediately ask them to hold. But what’s strange is we actually do it. Corporations, stop calling people and asking or telling them to hold. Whatever our situation, our time is valuable, and if you’ve got too few people to have a person on the line when you call us, then you need to add more people. Create more jobs that way.
And another thing: I can see the value of phone trees, the menus, but it’s getting a little ridiculous. There’s a line in _Demolition Man_ where Rob Schneider, a cop, answers the police station phone, “San Angeles Police Department. This is an actual person. If you’d like to speak to a machine, please press one.” That’s where things are going. And we’re letting it get that way.
People, we have to stop being so complacent, just accepting things the way they are and figuring there’s no use fighting corporations or Big Brother or whomever, so we give up before the fight even starts. Don’t. Fight. Fight stupidity. Fight bone-headed decisions. Fight mediocrity. Even if your voice _alone_ isn’t going to make much of a difference, voice your concern anyway. Then somebody else will be encouraged to, and as more voices are added, things will change. But you have to stand up. You have to make an effort. Don’t just lie down and go with the flow and let stupid, inane, insane, ridiculous stuff happen and then bitch about it when it happens: WE LET IT HAPPEN!
Don’t.
Case in point: many manufacturers don’t make things to last anymore. Maybe they figure that at the rate tech is changing, people will want new stuff sooner than they used to anyway. And in many cases, they’re right. But not always. For myself, I demand quality in whatever I break down enough to buy because if it’s expensive, I want it to be the last XYZ thing I’ll need for a very long time. Thing is, many manufacturers are listening instead to people who demand a lower price over quality. So people, i.e., US, are willing to sell out quality, a certain amount of it, for a cheap product we can get now. This is stupid. Say you buy a printer at eighty dollars, knowing in two years, one year, you’ll have to buy another one because the one you just got will have broken down. You accept that and buy the cheap printer anyway. Stupid. Go for quality even if you have to pay a little more. Better to pay a hundred and ten dollars now for a printer that’ll last, say, five years or more, than to keep nickel and diming yourself to death, eighty bucks at a time.
“But I need a printer now.” Well, know what you got, but before that, decide if it’s really a NEED or a want. See things objectively and you’ll realize that, ofttimes, what we’ve convinced ourselves is a need is really just a want. I’ve done it often myself. What do we really NEED? Food, water and shelter, and the shelter is negotiable depending on climate. Those are your needs. Period.
Wait a little while. I’ve told this story before: I asked a friend of mine for advice on buying a stereo, and he and his father both gave good advice. My friend said that when you see something you want to get, wait a week, go back and see if you still want it. If you do, get it. If you don’t, you just saved yourself the money you would have spent on an impulse purchase. His father said, when picking out a stereo [this can apply to so much other stuff], choose the one you want, then go one step higher if you can afford it. That way, you won’t be pining for something better for a longer time than you otherwise might. No need to wait forever, but waiting a little while isn’t gonna kill you. Hold out for quality, spend a little more (nothing unreasonable--demand quality _and_ a reasonable price) all at once, and you’ll have more dough in the long run.
There is a spiritual connection here. I might get into that later.
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