Y'know, I'm slow sometimes, but I get there.
I was so mad at a certain woman last Friday, but God was able to give me understanding and peace over the situation on Sunday. Now we're able to be friends, and I'm able to be happy for her. I don't know which is the greater blessing.
She is such a lovely woman, and I feel like an idiot for focusing on my own self instead of hearing what she was saying. All I heard was rejection, where if I would have gotten away from myself for a little while, I could have heard more.
Anyway, the situation's all cleared up now, so thank God for that! I had to ask her for her number again, as I erased it, partially thinking I just wanted a clean break and partially out of anger, so I've got a little egg on my face. Of course, it wasn't that big a deal, because I had the number in my phone records...so I guess I knew I didn't want a true break from her. Sometimes I feel like a big, old, toothless dog that can bark, but is generally a sweetheart...just kinda crotchety sometimes.
Monday, 18 April 2005
Saturday, 16 April 2005
recovery, revision and renewal
Friday, April 15
Y’know, sometimes you say ‘Praise God’ out of heartfelt joy. Other times you say it by faith. Today, I do say it out of the former, but a few hours ago, I could only have said it out of the latter.
The woman I was in a relationship with has fallen for another man, and I have to respect her decision. I don’t really like it, but, truth to tell, I have mixed emotions about it. There is a woman here, in town, with whom I would like to go out, but I’d held off letting things go that far because of my relationship with the first woman. I guess I can ask out the second one, now.
Thing is, the second one knows of the first, since I told her about it, so it’s going to be a bit of a challenge trying to convince this second woman of two things: 1) I’m not on the rebound. How much of a rebound can there be from somebody you’ve never met? 2) That she’s not the second choice. I think once I explain everything to her, it’ll be fine.
I’d had a feeling about the first one, or thought I did, at the same time as I was ignoring that still, small voice of the Holy Spirit telling me she wasn’t the one. Eventually, I asked God to show me, in a way I couldn’t argue, whether this first woman was the one. Today, he did. Glory to God for that.
I was so angry with her earlier this afternoon, to the point where I think I even angered her with my desperation. Once that happened, I backed off and, seeing she was firm in her decision, held up my hands and made my peace with it. I am going to call her once more, as I said I would, this evening to say farewell, to say God bless her, that I love her and that I really wish her and her new man happiness. She deserves that, and if it’s not with me, that’s fine. We each need to be with the one we need to be with.
I’m glad I didn’t call her any names or say anything I’ll regret later on. I’m also glad she told me. She could have just led me on, not bothering to say “boo”, hoping I’d eventually get the message. That would have worked, eventually, but it would have been sooo painful.
The only stuff I wonder about is how this happened so quickly. She spent some time with this guy over the last two days and now she wishes to pursue him, so she is. I wonder how that happens, if not by choice, and if it was a choice, what prompted that? What did I do or not do, if anything? Was it really only her heart that told her to go with this other man? Was it God prompting her?
I pray for peace on this issue. And I thank God for the way things have turned and are turning out.
It’s interesting; this morning, I was saying, standing in the kitchen, “God, either person A or person B. Whoever. If this person isn’t who you’ve got for me, then bring along the one you do have for me.” I believe he has, in the form of the woman who’s in town. I rejected her in my mind because she’s separated but not divorced. Separated for a long time, too. And I have rules about that. But now I don’t know. What to do. Scratch that. I do know what to do: go to God for guidance. That’s the ony way I’m going to make it out of this life alive.
Y’know, sometimes you say ‘Praise God’ out of heartfelt joy. Other times you say it by faith. Today, I do say it out of the former, but a few hours ago, I could only have said it out of the latter.
The woman I was in a relationship with has fallen for another man, and I have to respect her decision. I don’t really like it, but, truth to tell, I have mixed emotions about it. There is a woman here, in town, with whom I would like to go out, but I’d held off letting things go that far because of my relationship with the first woman. I guess I can ask out the second one, now.
Thing is, the second one knows of the first, since I told her about it, so it’s going to be a bit of a challenge trying to convince this second woman of two things: 1) I’m not on the rebound. How much of a rebound can there be from somebody you’ve never met? 2) That she’s not the second choice. I think once I explain everything to her, it’ll be fine.
I’d had a feeling about the first one, or thought I did, at the same time as I was ignoring that still, small voice of the Holy Spirit telling me she wasn’t the one. Eventually, I asked God to show me, in a way I couldn’t argue, whether this first woman was the one. Today, he did. Glory to God for that.
I was so angry with her earlier this afternoon, to the point where I think I even angered her with my desperation. Once that happened, I backed off and, seeing she was firm in her decision, held up my hands and made my peace with it. I am going to call her once more, as I said I would, this evening to say farewell, to say God bless her, that I love her and that I really wish her and her new man happiness. She deserves that, and if it’s not with me, that’s fine. We each need to be with the one we need to be with.
I’m glad I didn’t call her any names or say anything I’ll regret later on. I’m also glad she told me. She could have just led me on, not bothering to say “boo”, hoping I’d eventually get the message. That would have worked, eventually, but it would have been sooo painful.
The only stuff I wonder about is how this happened so quickly. She spent some time with this guy over the last two days and now she wishes to pursue him, so she is. I wonder how that happens, if not by choice, and if it was a choice, what prompted that? What did I do or not do, if anything? Was it really only her heart that told her to go with this other man? Was it God prompting her?
I pray for peace on this issue. And I thank God for the way things have turned and are turning out.
It’s interesting; this morning, I was saying, standing in the kitchen, “God, either person A or person B. Whoever. If this person isn’t who you’ve got for me, then bring along the one you do have for me.” I believe he has, in the form of the woman who’s in town. I rejected her in my mind because she’s separated but not divorced. Separated for a long time, too. And I have rules about that. But now I don’t know. What to do. Scratch that. I do know what to do: go to God for guidance. That’s the ony way I’m going to make it out of this life alive.
Wednesday, 13 April 2005
happy-happy, joy-joy
4/12/05
It’s been quite a while since I’ve written in this thing. Some cool stuff has happened that I’m not going to write about, as many reading this already know what I’m talking about and for other reasons. BUT, I do want to again express thanks to God for the stuff happening.
I’ve been feeling pretty good the last few weeks, I’m getting some progress done on the latest short story, but I really need to outline more and get the thing going so story that could be told in in ten thousand words doesn’t balloon up to twenty thousand words.
I tell ya, I’m just a blessed dude. The manager of Starbuck’s just came up and gave me a free drink because he’s made extra. That’s three drinks in one trip--one because they were sampling a coffee called timor, which I want to get Thurs., a free regular coffee just ‘cause the barista felt like it, and now this. Thank you God for that.
You know, one of the things my pastor says in his prayer over us at the end of every service is that we be blessed going in and blessed going out. I SO am! Another thing he says is that we’re blessed to be a blessing. In other words, it’s a blessing that we’re able to be a blessing to others AND we’re blessed IN ORDER to be a blessing (to others). I can totally get behind that.
My heart’s swelling here with delight. I mean, God is just sooo good, and I keep finding out more of how good He is the more I get into him. As I’ve said before, the more into God I get, the more into God I get.
I suppose, again, that’s one of the points of this blog. To work stuff out for myself, but also to be, at times, an encouragement to others. And, of course, for all of our entertainment. I’m as voyeuristic as the next fella, and I like the imagined attention, too. Frankly, I’m so blessed I’m about to bust. I’m believing for debt relief; I call it as though it is, because it is and because the Bible says we will have what we say. God has brought it to pass. Today I’m less in debt than yesterday. I’ve also found a possible candidate for a new car, but I’d really have to pray about it. I want to wait until I get hired on permanently before I take on another 7-14K worth of debt. Of course, God could provide a car for free... I din’t know if he will, and I’m not counting on it, but I believe it’s possible.
Okay, okay, I’ll fess on what’s made me so happy these last few weeks: I’ve met somebody and it’s going well and I believe it’s an answer to prayer. There.
Now, what else? I’m getting along well with the folks at work. I really like these people, and they seem to like me. It’s a very good environment at which I want to stay unless and until something better comes along. I’m content where I am, and I’m not getting complacent. I’m still writing and now sending--the job is the source of seed to sow and helps to support my writing. That’s the way I see it. Oh, and today’s my last day of work before two days off, so glory to God for that! Tomorrow I need to go to a location I’m considering for the movie shoot, and we’ll see what happens there.
Weds., Apr. 13
Well, I don’t think I’ll be visiting that site today. More likely Thursday. I’m being lazy today, though I did get some really good writing done today. And the woman of whom I spoke earlier called me twice in one day! I’m so happy! :)
Oh, and I found out what it would be to fix the paint on my car (Chrysler used cheap primer on the initial versions of their Neon--I get to deal with it now): just over $2600.00. I paid as much for the car itself! Sheesh! Nay, I say, nay! I'll sooner sand off the primer on the bad spots and prime and paint it myself. At least it's not affecting the car's performance, though I'm seeing some rust developing in the ceiling, just on the outside of the primer. That's no good. I have to at least spray paint some of it to get it stopped. Argh. On the upside, I found another seven-thousand-dollar Accord, so I know they're out there when I'm ready, which will be when I get hired on permanently.
It’s been quite a while since I’ve written in this thing. Some cool stuff has happened that I’m not going to write about, as many reading this already know what I’m talking about and for other reasons. BUT, I do want to again express thanks to God for the stuff happening.
I’ve been feeling pretty good the last few weeks, I’m getting some progress done on the latest short story, but I really need to outline more and get the thing going so story that could be told in in ten thousand words doesn’t balloon up to twenty thousand words.
I tell ya, I’m just a blessed dude. The manager of Starbuck’s just came up and gave me a free drink because he’s made extra. That’s three drinks in one trip--one because they were sampling a coffee called timor, which I want to get Thurs., a free regular coffee just ‘cause the barista felt like it, and now this. Thank you God for that.
You know, one of the things my pastor says in his prayer over us at the end of every service is that we be blessed going in and blessed going out. I SO am! Another thing he says is that we’re blessed to be a blessing. In other words, it’s a blessing that we’re able to be a blessing to others AND we’re blessed IN ORDER to be a blessing (to others). I can totally get behind that.
My heart’s swelling here with delight. I mean, God is just sooo good, and I keep finding out more of how good He is the more I get into him. As I’ve said before, the more into God I get, the more into God I get.
I suppose, again, that’s one of the points of this blog. To work stuff out for myself, but also to be, at times, an encouragement to others. And, of course, for all of our entertainment. I’m as voyeuristic as the next fella, and I like the imagined attention, too. Frankly, I’m so blessed I’m about to bust. I’m believing for debt relief; I call it as though it is, because it is and because the Bible says we will have what we say. God has brought it to pass. Today I’m less in debt than yesterday. I’ve also found a possible candidate for a new car, but I’d really have to pray about it. I want to wait until I get hired on permanently before I take on another 7-14K worth of debt. Of course, God could provide a car for free... I din’t know if he will, and I’m not counting on it, but I believe it’s possible.
Okay, okay, I’ll fess on what’s made me so happy these last few weeks: I’ve met somebody and it’s going well and I believe it’s an answer to prayer. There.
Now, what else? I’m getting along well with the folks at work. I really like these people, and they seem to like me. It’s a very good environment at which I want to stay unless and until something better comes along. I’m content where I am, and I’m not getting complacent. I’m still writing and now sending--the job is the source of seed to sow and helps to support my writing. That’s the way I see it. Oh, and today’s my last day of work before two days off, so glory to God for that! Tomorrow I need to go to a location I’m considering for the movie shoot, and we’ll see what happens there.
Weds., Apr. 13
Well, I don’t think I’ll be visiting that site today. More likely Thursday. I’m being lazy today, though I did get some really good writing done today. And the woman of whom I spoke earlier called me twice in one day! I’m so happy! :)
Oh, and I found out what it would be to fix the paint on my car (Chrysler used cheap primer on the initial versions of their Neon--I get to deal with it now): just over $2600.00. I paid as much for the car itself! Sheesh! Nay, I say, nay! I'll sooner sand off the primer on the bad spots and prime and paint it myself. At least it's not affecting the car's performance, though I'm seeing some rust developing in the ceiling, just on the outside of the primer. That's no good. I have to at least spray paint some of it to get it stopped. Argh. On the upside, I found another seven-thousand-dollar Accord, so I know they're out there when I'm ready, which will be when I get hired on permanently.
Sunday, 3 April 2005
it's been a while
It's been a while since I posted last. i have been spending a lot of time on another website, meeting friends and so on, and some really good stuff has come out of that, which has taken a good deal of my time. Not that I mind at all. I'm enjoying myself, and my sister-in-law says I look happier these last few weeks than before.
The job's been going well, and I continue to get taught new things as I need them.
Also, I sent off the final draft(?) of _Firefly_ to the producer out in Hollywood. I don't know how long it's going to take for him to read the thing, but I'm just praying that he considers it good enough to recommend to the litereary agency he was with before moving to the production company with which he works now.
What else? I've been doing some work on a collection of short stories and finished two of them, at least rough drafts of them. I'm also going to be sending out an older story that I re-did and that seems like a good enough story to get published.
I've looked at some of my other stuff, and some is probably pretty good, but some of it is just embarrassing. I might have thought it good stuff when I wrote it, but I'm so much better now that I can hardly read the stuff from before. I am, however, thankful that there's a good enough ratio of good stuff to bad stuff. Perhaps 2:1 or even 3:1, though that last is being generous.
I'm also so grateful to God these days. There's a woman in my life now, and I could not have asked for better. I look forward to a wonderful future with her, and I'm enjoying the present. That's all I'll say on the subject, but I did feel impressed to give glory to God for this.
The job's been going well, and I continue to get taught new things as I need them.
Also, I sent off the final draft(?) of _Firefly_ to the producer out in Hollywood. I don't know how long it's going to take for him to read the thing, but I'm just praying that he considers it good enough to recommend to the litereary agency he was with before moving to the production company with which he works now.
What else? I've been doing some work on a collection of short stories and finished two of them, at least rough drafts of them. I'm also going to be sending out an older story that I re-did and that seems like a good enough story to get published.
I've looked at some of my other stuff, and some is probably pretty good, but some of it is just embarrassing. I might have thought it good stuff when I wrote it, but I'm so much better now that I can hardly read the stuff from before. I am, however, thankful that there's a good enough ratio of good stuff to bad stuff. Perhaps 2:1 or even 3:1, though that last is being generous.
I'm also so grateful to God these days. There's a woman in my life now, and I could not have asked for better. I look forward to a wonderful future with her, and I'm enjoying the present. That's all I'll say on the subject, but I did feel impressed to give glory to God for this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
