1/29/06
A couple of gifts
I just saw a couple of the best movies I’ve ever seen in my life: _Billy Elliott_, a wonderful movie most of you have probably already seen, and _The Jacket_, a wonderful movie, though in a markedly different way, that most of you have probably not seen.
_Billy Elliott_ is not a strictly family movie. It’s appropriate for most family, but it’s really grown-up film that happens to be about a boy (there’s another great film: _About a Boy_, which is a DVD I should buy) who’s just struggling to express himself in a way his family thinks is...unmanly: Ballet. In a mining town in England. Working-class. Set in 1984, during perhaps the most significant mining strike in England’s history. And the Dad and older brother are miners on strike. The mum’s gone. Dead. They’ve a lot to deal with. But in the end it’s about love.
_The Jacket_ comes to us from Section Eight, produced by George Clooney and Steven Soderbergh and directed by newcomer to features, John Maybury, starring Adrien Brody and Keira Knightley. It’s about a man, a Gulf War veteran, who, through a psychological treatment, is able to visit the year 2007 from where he naturally is in 1992. Really, you have to check out the site . it’s one of the most unusual, beautiful, original films I’ve seen in my life. It’s positively a gift. In fact, I’m going to call the production company, Section Eight, and thank them for it. I don’t do that a lot, but when a film deserves it, the makers deserve thanks. No, I doubt I’ll talk to Clooney or Soderbergh. I’d be shocked if I did. But I can leave a message--some good thoughts never hurt.
Really, it’s because of an aspiration to make movies of this quality that I make movies myself, writing and directing on a very small scale for now, larger scale later: if you’re listening, they can have an effect on you.
Sunday, 29 January 2006
Saturday, 28 January 2006
Busy-ness, _The Chumscrubber_, say “No”
1/28/06
I just saw the movie _The Chumscrubber_, (very good--see it) a movie about a sort of screwed-up suburbia. I won’t go into what it’s really about in the sense of plot, but it highlighted for me something that’s really important: we’re too busy.
Of course, we’re told this a lot (especially in news and movies--I keep hoping it's exaggerated in the media). I think it’s less than it used to be, when it was like a trend to be busy. I think the trend now is going toward slowing down, which is equally bad if it’s done only as trend that people follow like a lot of lemmings. See, if you follow trends blindly, you’re comparable to being a sheep--going a certain way because everybody else is, not because you have any other reason. That’s not a good enough reason. I remember when I was going to join the Peace Corps, the rep asked me why I’d not volunteered for much, been part of many extracurricular activities. I said it was because I didn’t find much that was worth my time. That sounds arrogant, but here’s why it was so (other than my being a smart-aleck--that was only the surface): I didn’t want to be part of something solely because it would look good on a resume--I had to believe in it or it was a waste of my time and theirs. I'm glad to see people slowing down, then, though, as long as it's for the right reason.
That said, I think a lot of people are still too busy, so much so that they’re out of balance. Maybe they’re torn apart taking kids to this and that, being on this and that committee, holding down one, two, three jobs plus dutifully trying to find their inner peace or some version of it. Here’s a solution to all that: say “no” sometimes. And mean it. Maybe start with whatever committee asks us to join or us feel you have to join _because_ what would it look like if we didn’t join or at least volunteer? Say no to that--say no to anything (committee, cause, whatever) that us want to be part of just so we’ll look good or make ourselves feel like we’re doing our part _rather than_ because we believe in that thing.
I dunno--I think the best thing to say is that it seems that what really is missing in a lot of peoples’ lives, particularly suburban peoples’, is balance. I think a lot of them, not all, are too rushed and need to, as I said above, say no to some stuff if for no other reason than to do well at what they say yes to.
Example: I used to try to do too much before going to work, thinking I could still make it on-time. I kept being late to work because of it. So I did less. And I made it to work on time. Simple as that.
“But Billy wants to do this and Nancy wants to do that and Alexandra wants to do this as well--how can I say no to my kids?” Like this: “No. Or not unless it can be worked out to get you guys there without me going crazy.” (Of course, cooperation among parents, as I understand happens a lot, can help a lot)
I guess the whole point to this entry is to encourage people reading it to, if they feel out of balance, do whatever it takes to regain that balance, especially if they’re too busy. Better to focus on a few things and do them well than to a lot of things and not do them so well. And as for trying to do a lot of things, whatever’s too much for you, well...careful. We all have limitations, and not recognizing where our boundaries (careful: don’t put up artificial boundaries, as an excuse to not do something) are will keep us each from fully realizing what we really can do.
I just saw the movie _The Chumscrubber_, (very good--see it) a movie about a sort of screwed-up suburbia. I won’t go into what it’s really about in the sense of plot, but it highlighted for me something that’s really important: we’re too busy.
Of course, we’re told this a lot (especially in news and movies--I keep hoping it's exaggerated in the media). I think it’s less than it used to be, when it was like a trend to be busy. I think the trend now is going toward slowing down, which is equally bad if it’s done only as trend that people follow like a lot of lemmings. See, if you follow trends blindly, you’re comparable to being a sheep--going a certain way because everybody else is, not because you have any other reason. That’s not a good enough reason. I remember when I was going to join the Peace Corps, the rep asked me why I’d not volunteered for much, been part of many extracurricular activities. I said it was because I didn’t find much that was worth my time. That sounds arrogant, but here’s why it was so (other than my being a smart-aleck--that was only the surface): I didn’t want to be part of something solely because it would look good on a resume--I had to believe in it or it was a waste of my time and theirs. I'm glad to see people slowing down, then, though, as long as it's for the right reason.
That said, I think a lot of people are still too busy, so much so that they’re out of balance. Maybe they’re torn apart taking kids to this and that, being on this and that committee, holding down one, two, three jobs plus dutifully trying to find their inner peace or some version of it. Here’s a solution to all that: say “no” sometimes. And mean it. Maybe start with whatever committee asks us to join or us feel you have to join _because_ what would it look like if we didn’t join or at least volunteer? Say no to that--say no to anything (committee, cause, whatever) that us want to be part of just so we’ll look good or make ourselves feel like we’re doing our part _rather than_ because we believe in that thing.
I dunno--I think the best thing to say is that it seems that what really is missing in a lot of peoples’ lives, particularly suburban peoples’, is balance. I think a lot of them, not all, are too rushed and need to, as I said above, say no to some stuff if for no other reason than to do well at what they say yes to.
Example: I used to try to do too much before going to work, thinking I could still make it on-time. I kept being late to work because of it. So I did less. And I made it to work on time. Simple as that.
“But Billy wants to do this and Nancy wants to do that and Alexandra wants to do this as well--how can I say no to my kids?” Like this: “No. Or not unless it can be worked out to get you guys there without me going crazy.” (Of course, cooperation among parents, as I understand happens a lot, can help a lot)
I guess the whole point to this entry is to encourage people reading it to, if they feel out of balance, do whatever it takes to regain that balance, especially if they’re too busy. Better to focus on a few things and do them well than to a lot of things and not do them so well. And as for trying to do a lot of things, whatever’s too much for you, well...careful. We all have limitations, and not recognizing where our boundaries (careful: don’t put up artificial boundaries, as an excuse to not do something) are will keep us each from fully realizing what we really can do.
Tuesday, 24 January 2006
new weights, new lease
Well, I finally got a pair of dumbbells after not having them for six years, along with some weights to go with them. But I'd gotten a kind with a screw-on collar, like I'd had before. When I tried working out with them, I stopped after doing about three sets, maybe not even that many. I just didn't want the hassle of unscrewing the collars, changing weights, screwing on the collars again, every single set, yet that was the only way to do it if I didn't want to get separate pairs of dumbbells for each weight, which could get spendy.
So I took the old ones back to the store and changed them out for some pinch collars, a spring sort of thing that squeezed onto the dumbbell, keeping the weight from coming off. I'd avoided these for fear of the collar slipping off and weights falling onto my head when I would do tricep extensions (where the weight is directly over my head--and I wasn't going to stop doing that exercise), but I got them (and even got a little money back from the return, praise God) them, and, as the guy in the store said, you can pull on those things all day and they're not going to move until you loosen them.
So I tried a workout with the new dumbbells just last night, and I'm happy to say I'm back lifting weights, which I had done for over fourteen years and only ceased when I moved to where I live now because I'd left the weights back where I used to live.
The reason I'm saying all this is to bear witness to the fact that God is God of the "small" stuff as well as the "big" stuff. If it concerns us, his children, it's important to Him. Praise God!
So I took the old ones back to the store and changed them out for some pinch collars, a spring sort of thing that squeezed onto the dumbbell, keeping the weight from coming off. I'd avoided these for fear of the collar slipping off and weights falling onto my head when I would do tricep extensions (where the weight is directly over my head--and I wasn't going to stop doing that exercise), but I got them (and even got a little money back from the return, praise God) them, and, as the guy in the store said, you can pull on those things all day and they're not going to move until you loosen them.
So I tried a workout with the new dumbbells just last night, and I'm happy to say I'm back lifting weights, which I had done for over fourteen years and only ceased when I moved to where I live now because I'd left the weights back where I used to live.
The reason I'm saying all this is to bear witness to the fact that God is God of the "small" stuff as well as the "big" stuff. If it concerns us, his children, it's important to Him. Praise God!
Friday, 20 January 2006
Wal-Mart...again
1/20/06
I just finished watching _Wal-Mart: the high cost of low price_. While obviously a biased film, I’m encouraged to see people who don’t want Wal-Mart in their communities, people who have been wronged by Wal-Mart and people who are justly discontented, taking action.
The movie protrays Wal-Mart as throwing its weight around, essentially being a bully. In the beginning of the film, I was thinking, “Then don’t shop there.” By the end, as people were shown forcing Wal-Mart not to come into their communities and as there was a sort of list of cases in which Wal-Mart was made to pay for an injustice, I felt, again, encouraged. The reason is because I’ve long held an opinion that ultimately, we, the consumers, are responsible for Wal-Mart’s size and we, the consumers, let Wal-Mart get away with whatever bullying it does by continuing to shop there.
Wal-Mart is, like any business, largely interested in money. If they don’t make money, they’ll go away. The solution seems simple enough. Not only don’t shop there if that’s how you feel, but don’t be bowled over by Wal-Mart’s size. They may be a giant, but so was Goliath.
I did also like that one person said, regarding Wal-Mart’s being unfair in using its influence and in buying up space for stores, that they (the person speaking) are not against competition; they’re against unfair competition. If Wal-Mart, or others, cheat and compete unfairly, they need to be held accountable. They are not above the law, no matter what cynical rhetoric says, and if they, or anybody, are allowed to get away with it, then shame on us.
While Wal-Mart is far from perfect, it’s better than some other businesses. But that’s no excuse not to be better...not richer, just better.
I just finished watching _Wal-Mart: the high cost of low price_. While obviously a biased film, I’m encouraged to see people who don’t want Wal-Mart in their communities, people who have been wronged by Wal-Mart and people who are justly discontented, taking action.
The movie protrays Wal-Mart as throwing its weight around, essentially being a bully. In the beginning of the film, I was thinking, “Then don’t shop there.” By the end, as people were shown forcing Wal-Mart not to come into their communities and as there was a sort of list of cases in which Wal-Mart was made to pay for an injustice, I felt, again, encouraged. The reason is because I’ve long held an opinion that ultimately, we, the consumers, are responsible for Wal-Mart’s size and we, the consumers, let Wal-Mart get away with whatever bullying it does by continuing to shop there.
Wal-Mart is, like any business, largely interested in money. If they don’t make money, they’ll go away. The solution seems simple enough. Not only don’t shop there if that’s how you feel, but don’t be bowled over by Wal-Mart’s size. They may be a giant, but so was Goliath.
I did also like that one person said, regarding Wal-Mart’s being unfair in using its influence and in buying up space for stores, that they (the person speaking) are not against competition; they’re against unfair competition. If Wal-Mart, or others, cheat and compete unfairly, they need to be held accountable. They are not above the law, no matter what cynical rhetoric says, and if they, or anybody, are allowed to get away with it, then shame on us.
While Wal-Mart is far from perfect, it’s better than some other businesses. But that’s no excuse not to be better...not richer, just better.
Thursday, 19 January 2006
untitled
1/18/06
I haven’t written in the blog for a couple of days. I guess I blew off a good bit of steam the time before last.
This weekend I got a printer, which I’d been needing since the last one got fried a few months ago. I was hemming and hawing over whether to keep the new one I have or get a laser printer that’s on sale for the same price as my inkjet one. This would save a good bit of money. Okay, and I don’t feel like packing up the new one just yet. Truthfully, I don’t know what I’ll do.
I did get to have a great meeting with a couple of the stars of my film Saturday, after my camera person couldn’t make it and suggested a dress rehearsal since people already had the time and all blocked off. I had a ton of fun, really, and it’s galvanized my thought that this is what I was put here to do.
Other than that, I’ve been re-reading the screenplay that’s going to the Hollywood producer in preparation for editing it one more (at least) time before sending it. There aren’t a lot of changed I’m making--it’s in pretty good shape other than some grammatical and formatting changes, but once those are fixed, I need to read through it again and make sure it’s as good as I can make it.
Also, finances are looking better and better, thank God. It’s sooooo good that God’s brought me from being uncomfortable close to being homeless to, about a year from now, being in a position to buy a house. I can’t do anything about it right now except free up more money because I’ve already got a lease on where I already live, but I can start preparing. How and I going to to that _and_ Hollywood? Keep working and praying and believing--when the time comes for me to move, I’ll be able to do so, house or no house. God’s good at working things out that way.
I’m listening to a podcast of BusinessWeek about Google, and I’m reminded of what a cool company Google seems to be. It’s said that, say, _the_ car to drive is the Prius, that you _do not_ drive up in your Ferrari or Aston Martin. Too ostentatious. They’re a lot into engineers and how engineers think. They seem sort of anti-corporate culture. I love that they just seem to fly in the face of the script, of conventional thinking.
I dunno. To me, convention is like tradition: It’s for people who can’t think of anything better to do.
Lessee--I’ve got some time here, though not a ton of it. Like fifteen minutes before I need to head off to work.
I finished the screenplay today, or finished re-reading it. I fell asleep a number of times on the second-to-last page, but that was after having worked all night and been up for sixteen hours or so. Once I woke up and got it, it turned out to be pretty good, though I’ve some changes to make, particularly in the third act.
I did get almost all of my bills paid today--only one is remaining--and I’ve got some ch-ching left, which I’m very grateful for. There are a couple of people to whom I need to slide a few bucks, but I’m just happy to have the regular bills paid and still be able to feed my yap-trap.
Maybe it’s the caffeine, but I feel anxious to get this day started work-wise. Not really for it to be over, because I’m joing to just sleep a lot of tomorrow away in order to enjoy the evening, but just to be doing something.
Okay, I’m weird. I was just looking at this guy’s butt and thinking I wished I could tell whether it was cute or not. Maybe if I could tell on another guy, I could also tell on myself. Then again, I’m glad I have no clue whether his butt is cute. I mean, I can tell in extreme circumstances, but, as with average guys, I can’t tell whether they’re good-looking or not. I just have no clue. Yet I can tell on gals in a half-second or less. So, for example, I can tell that Brad Pitt’s good-looking, but not Jake Gyllenhal or Steve Buscemi or Philip Seymour Hoffman (I suppose Philip’s cuteish), but I can tell Kathy Bates, Nicole Kidman, Meg Tilly (yes, yes and yes).
A guy held up a magazine recently with some gals in it (it was, like _Glamour_ or something) and asserted that they were ugly. I remember that my mom said, “I don’t think anybody is truly ugly”. Homely, maybe. Not my type, sure. But I have not personally seen anybody who’s actually ugly. The closest is if they have some deformity, but you can’t really hold that against them because that’s a resule of something being wrong with them. I guess I think everybody’s, so some extent, beautiful, just in different ways. If nothing else, we’re all people, and that’s a good start.
I haven’t written in the blog for a couple of days. I guess I blew off a good bit of steam the time before last.
This weekend I got a printer, which I’d been needing since the last one got fried a few months ago. I was hemming and hawing over whether to keep the new one I have or get a laser printer that’s on sale for the same price as my inkjet one. This would save a good bit of money. Okay, and I don’t feel like packing up the new one just yet. Truthfully, I don’t know what I’ll do.
I did get to have a great meeting with a couple of the stars of my film Saturday, after my camera person couldn’t make it and suggested a dress rehearsal since people already had the time and all blocked off. I had a ton of fun, really, and it’s galvanized my thought that this is what I was put here to do.
Other than that, I’ve been re-reading the screenplay that’s going to the Hollywood producer in preparation for editing it one more (at least) time before sending it. There aren’t a lot of changed I’m making--it’s in pretty good shape other than some grammatical and formatting changes, but once those are fixed, I need to read through it again and make sure it’s as good as I can make it.
Also, finances are looking better and better, thank God. It’s sooooo good that God’s brought me from being uncomfortable close to being homeless to, about a year from now, being in a position to buy a house. I can’t do anything about it right now except free up more money because I’ve already got a lease on where I already live, but I can start preparing. How and I going to to that _and_ Hollywood? Keep working and praying and believing--when the time comes for me to move, I’ll be able to do so, house or no house. God’s good at working things out that way.
I’m listening to a podcast of BusinessWeek about Google, and I’m reminded of what a cool company Google seems to be. It’s said that, say, _the_ car to drive is the Prius, that you _do not_ drive up in your Ferrari or Aston Martin. Too ostentatious. They’re a lot into engineers and how engineers think. They seem sort of anti-corporate culture. I love that they just seem to fly in the face of the script, of conventional thinking.
I dunno. To me, convention is like tradition: It’s for people who can’t think of anything better to do.
Lessee--I’ve got some time here, though not a ton of it. Like fifteen minutes before I need to head off to work.
I finished the screenplay today, or finished re-reading it. I fell asleep a number of times on the second-to-last page, but that was after having worked all night and been up for sixteen hours or so. Once I woke up and got it, it turned out to be pretty good, though I’ve some changes to make, particularly in the third act.
I did get almost all of my bills paid today--only one is remaining--and I’ve got some ch-ching left, which I’m very grateful for. There are a couple of people to whom I need to slide a few bucks, but I’m just happy to have the regular bills paid and still be able to feed my yap-trap.
Maybe it’s the caffeine, but I feel anxious to get this day started work-wise. Not really for it to be over, because I’m joing to just sleep a lot of tomorrow away in order to enjoy the evening, but just to be doing something.
Okay, I’m weird. I was just looking at this guy’s butt and thinking I wished I could tell whether it was cute or not. Maybe if I could tell on another guy, I could also tell on myself. Then again, I’m glad I have no clue whether his butt is cute. I mean, I can tell in extreme circumstances, but, as with average guys, I can’t tell whether they’re good-looking or not. I just have no clue. Yet I can tell on gals in a half-second or less. So, for example, I can tell that Brad Pitt’s good-looking, but not Jake Gyllenhal or Steve Buscemi or Philip Seymour Hoffman (I suppose Philip’s cuteish), but I can tell Kathy Bates, Nicole Kidman, Meg Tilly (yes, yes and yes).
A guy held up a magazine recently with some gals in it (it was, like _Glamour_ or something) and asserted that they were ugly. I remember that my mom said, “I don’t think anybody is truly ugly”. Homely, maybe. Not my type, sure. But I have not personally seen anybody who’s actually ugly. The closest is if they have some deformity, but you can’t really hold that against them because that’s a resule of something being wrong with them. I guess I think everybody’s, so some extent, beautiful, just in different ways. If nothing else, we’re all people, and that’s a good start.
Friday, 13 January 2006
Angelina Jolie
Much attention has recently been on Angelina Jolie because of her relationship with Brad Pitt and what's going on there. She's been popular not just because of that but because of her lips, her...endowments, her looks, her acting. And I've liked her because of all of that. Now I love her (not in a romantic way) because of this . View the clip.
Angelina: well done. God bless you.
Angelina: well done. God bless you.
there's a lot here...
1/12/06
I was listening to a message by Gloria Copeland this morning, and she mentioned knowing what God’s will, his plan is for your life. How do you know it? You ask him to show you. And he won’t show all of it to you at once, but he’ll show you what you need to know now.
So I asked, because I’ve been wondering about it for a while now. I mean, my life is going along well, but I can’t believe that God would give me the gifts I have and expect me to have a “normal” life--not with the desires he’s given me.
So I was working just a bit ago, and God reminded me of the only work I’ve done where I had peace, where I knew, I _knew_ this iwas what I was supposed to be doing: movies. Acting in them. I remember sitting in a makeup chair about to do a bit for Willlie George Ministries, and I felt like I was doing what I was put here to do. Same thing when I was visiting a production company out in Los Angeles in 2004. I sort of felt that way, though to a much lesser extent, when I was doing extra work on film and television sets in L.A. I was having a difficult time of it, but I felt I was supposed to be there. Turns out it wasn’t to be at that time, but I believe there were just some things I had to work out before taking that plunge into L.A.
Well, now that desire is back again. I’d like to go back and try it again, but I’m not going to because I know I’m still not ready. So what I am doing is pushing forward with my own filmmaking and screenwriting and regular writing and believing that God will intercede for me.
See, I believe that God, when we’re following him, gives us the desires of our heart, meaning not only that he grants them but that he puts them in there in the first place. And I finally accept that I still have this Hollywood dream, this desire to be active in front of the camera in movies, to make a living, and a good one, that way. Actors have so much influence, and many times have such resources to help others (although, yes, some of this has to do with acceptance, though not nearly so much as before, as now I accept that I have my acceptance in God). Who knows if I’ll make those millions or whatever. I just want to make films...and write books. I believe that’s what I was put here to do.
I think people underestimate the power of movies and of books, especially when an artist announces that this is what they’re going to do. Though, I think a lot of the eye-rolling comes from others’ knowledge that this artist might be just spouting off again and won’t follow through. But as people see the artist stick to his art, and start making a living from it as well as being responsible regarding his or her commitments, they tend to respect said artist more. The thing is, it’s incumbent on the artist to do the work, to keep doing it instead of just talking about it all the time. Which is where my responsibility lies. I have to be putting the stories out there, which I’ve started to do. I have to finish the screenplay that’s going to go to a Hollywood producer who’s kind enough to give me one more chance after reading several of my screenplays and passing on them. I have to make the short films I want to use as calling cards--which means coordinating with people, planning...just being responsible in that area. I’ve dropped the ball on this in the past: follow-through, which is why people roll their eyes when I mention this stuff.
I’ve got a lot of work to do. I almost don’t want to know the whole of God’s plan for me--I think it would overwhelm me. Or I’d try to take a shortcut, try to get to the end quicker when God has my steps ordered. This step, then this one, then this one, and so on.
I don’t know how to wrap this up except to say that I’m so grateful to God for reminding me of my purpose and encouraging me to believe that’s what he’s got in mind for me.
01/13/06
All right. I’m P.O.’ed. I really let myself down on the L.A. thing. It was my own laziness, but that’s only the latest in a series of self-inflicted failures caused mainly by fear.
In college, I said to directors for whom i was auditioning, when appropriate, taht I would not take the Lord’s name in vain. They were okay with that, but I got all scared that they would be offended, so Iafter not getting a couple of parts, I kind of gave up on the idea and thus missed some great opportunities in college. I’m mad at my doing that, and I’m mad at Satan if he had a hand in it, in convincing me that I’d not get those parts, that people would be offended and think I’m a prima-donna, that sort of thing. I’m just mad.
Yet.
It’s okay to be angry if that anger results in action--positive action, that is.
For now, the action it’s produced is the conviction that it was not all right for me to give up on myself. Some things just aren’t okay. God isn’t mad at me for them, and I shouldn’t be, either, but I am changing and not missing more opportunities.
Some things just aren’t okay. There are some things that can’t be made to go away with a pat on the head and a condescending tone.
I think of where I might have been in acting if I took the opportunities that presented themselves. Maybe the same place I am now, maybe somewhere else, worse or better, who knows. Point is ot not miss more opportunities--to take the ones that God brings me and use them for all they’re worth.
I think a lot of the problem was just dog laziness, as I’ve spoken about before.
I know I’m sputtering a bit and repeating myself, but here’s where I am now: I am confused. Where to start from here? Simply put, God has the answer, and I’m depending on him to show me. What I know to do is continue the filmmaking, get more diligent about going on auditions, whether they be theatre or film, jsut to get some experience. I also know not to quit, if for no other reaton thatn this: I can’t go on in this life wondering what might have been.
Movies mean something, as do books. Movies can change lives. They’re important. I need to be part of that. Don’t roll your eyes at that--I don’t think there’s one of the peole who read this blog (and thank you for doing so) who has not had their life impacted in some way by a movie at some point, and I mean in a way that you can’t just dismiss and say, “But that’s just a movie.” Some movies are just that: popcorn and entertainment and nto much else. Others are more. I choose to be in that category.
Same with books, whether I’m writing speculative fiction, science fiction, fantasy or regular fiction. Some people roll their eyes at science fiction. Those people are misinformed and mustn’t do that because it marginalizes not only science fiction but the author who wrote it and is trying to say something through it. All are entitled to their opinion. None are entitled to be condescending.
Takers vs. receivers
I don’t even know if I should address this, but I’m resolving to be a receiver instead of a taker in the bad sense, which I put next to a being user (or sponge or parasite). To me, a taker is one who, well, takes things, with permission but without grace and/or gratitude. A receiver, on the other hand, accepts what’s offered with grace and gratitude--they appreciate the value of the thing they’re receiving, whatever that thing is. This is what I want to be.
As a way of tying this to the rest of this blog entry, I’m choosing to receive the opportunities that God presents now rather than pass them by and know that when God’s in control, those will be chances he’s giving me. How can I not accept those? How can I not give those?
I was listening to a message by Gloria Copeland this morning, and she mentioned knowing what God’s will, his plan is for your life. How do you know it? You ask him to show you. And he won’t show all of it to you at once, but he’ll show you what you need to know now.
So I asked, because I’ve been wondering about it for a while now. I mean, my life is going along well, but I can’t believe that God would give me the gifts I have and expect me to have a “normal” life--not with the desires he’s given me.
So I was working just a bit ago, and God reminded me of the only work I’ve done where I had peace, where I knew, I _knew_ this iwas what I was supposed to be doing: movies. Acting in them. I remember sitting in a makeup chair about to do a bit for Willlie George Ministries, and I felt like I was doing what I was put here to do. Same thing when I was visiting a production company out in Los Angeles in 2004. I sort of felt that way, though to a much lesser extent, when I was doing extra work on film and television sets in L.A. I was having a difficult time of it, but I felt I was supposed to be there. Turns out it wasn’t to be at that time, but I believe there were just some things I had to work out before taking that plunge into L.A.
Well, now that desire is back again. I’d like to go back and try it again, but I’m not going to because I know I’m still not ready. So what I am doing is pushing forward with my own filmmaking and screenwriting and regular writing and believing that God will intercede for me.
See, I believe that God, when we’re following him, gives us the desires of our heart, meaning not only that he grants them but that he puts them in there in the first place. And I finally accept that I still have this Hollywood dream, this desire to be active in front of the camera in movies, to make a living, and a good one, that way. Actors have so much influence, and many times have such resources to help others (although, yes, some of this has to do with acceptance, though not nearly so much as before, as now I accept that I have my acceptance in God). Who knows if I’ll make those millions or whatever. I just want to make films...and write books. I believe that’s what I was put here to do.
I think people underestimate the power of movies and of books, especially when an artist announces that this is what they’re going to do. Though, I think a lot of the eye-rolling comes from others’ knowledge that this artist might be just spouting off again and won’t follow through. But as people see the artist stick to his art, and start making a living from it as well as being responsible regarding his or her commitments, they tend to respect said artist more. The thing is, it’s incumbent on the artist to do the work, to keep doing it instead of just talking about it all the time. Which is where my responsibility lies. I have to be putting the stories out there, which I’ve started to do. I have to finish the screenplay that’s going to go to a Hollywood producer who’s kind enough to give me one more chance after reading several of my screenplays and passing on them. I have to make the short films I want to use as calling cards--which means coordinating with people, planning...just being responsible in that area. I’ve dropped the ball on this in the past: follow-through, which is why people roll their eyes when I mention this stuff.
I’ve got a lot of work to do. I almost don’t want to know the whole of God’s plan for me--I think it would overwhelm me. Or I’d try to take a shortcut, try to get to the end quicker when God has my steps ordered. This step, then this one, then this one, and so on.
I don’t know how to wrap this up except to say that I’m so grateful to God for reminding me of my purpose and encouraging me to believe that’s what he’s got in mind for me.
01/13/06
All right. I’m P.O.’ed. I really let myself down on the L.A. thing. It was my own laziness, but that’s only the latest in a series of self-inflicted failures caused mainly by fear.
In college, I said to directors for whom i was auditioning, when appropriate, taht I would not take the Lord’s name in vain. They were okay with that, but I got all scared that they would be offended, so Iafter not getting a couple of parts, I kind of gave up on the idea and thus missed some great opportunities in college. I’m mad at my doing that, and I’m mad at Satan if he had a hand in it, in convincing me that I’d not get those parts, that people would be offended and think I’m a prima-donna, that sort of thing. I’m just mad.
Yet.
It’s okay to be angry if that anger results in action--positive action, that is.
For now, the action it’s produced is the conviction that it was not all right for me to give up on myself. Some things just aren’t okay. God isn’t mad at me for them, and I shouldn’t be, either, but I am changing and not missing more opportunities.
Some things just aren’t okay. There are some things that can’t be made to go away with a pat on the head and a condescending tone.
I think of where I might have been in acting if I took the opportunities that presented themselves. Maybe the same place I am now, maybe somewhere else, worse or better, who knows. Point is ot not miss more opportunities--to take the ones that God brings me and use them for all they’re worth.
I think a lot of the problem was just dog laziness, as I’ve spoken about before.
I know I’m sputtering a bit and repeating myself, but here’s where I am now: I am confused. Where to start from here? Simply put, God has the answer, and I’m depending on him to show me. What I know to do is continue the filmmaking, get more diligent about going on auditions, whether they be theatre or film, jsut to get some experience. I also know not to quit, if for no other reaton thatn this: I can’t go on in this life wondering what might have been.
Movies mean something, as do books. Movies can change lives. They’re important. I need to be part of that. Don’t roll your eyes at that--I don’t think there’s one of the peole who read this blog (and thank you for doing so) who has not had their life impacted in some way by a movie at some point, and I mean in a way that you can’t just dismiss and say, “But that’s just a movie.” Some movies are just that: popcorn and entertainment and nto much else. Others are more. I choose to be in that category.
Same with books, whether I’m writing speculative fiction, science fiction, fantasy or regular fiction. Some people roll their eyes at science fiction. Those people are misinformed and mustn’t do that because it marginalizes not only science fiction but the author who wrote it and is trying to say something through it. All are entitled to their opinion. None are entitled to be condescending.
Takers vs. receivers
I don’t even know if I should address this, but I’m resolving to be a receiver instead of a taker in the bad sense, which I put next to a being user (or sponge or parasite). To me, a taker is one who, well, takes things, with permission but without grace and/or gratitude. A receiver, on the other hand, accepts what’s offered with grace and gratitude--they appreciate the value of the thing they’re receiving, whatever that thing is. This is what I want to be.
As a way of tying this to the rest of this blog entry, I’m choosing to receive the opportunities that God presents now rather than pass them by and know that when God’s in control, those will be chances he’s giving me. How can I not accept those? How can I not give those?
Wednesday, 11 January 2006
"Millions"
I've just seen the movie _Millions_, by Danny Boyle. Terrific movie. Beautifully shot. It's got a bit of a message, too, which underscores much of what I've been convinced of over the past few years. To wit, and this is not the message of the movie, but my extrapolation: If you've got money, you've got to use it to take care of your needs and responsibilities, of course, but the rest is not for you. Yes, of course have some for a rainy day. A nice retirement. Enough that you won't burden another with your expenses. Beyond that, though, help somebody else who hasn't got enough. And, no, this isn't a cry for money but for the proper use of it. Store up billions of dollars, get more stuff and more stuff and more stuff? To what end? Even in the Bible a man was chastised for socking away a bunch of dough for himself, not helping anybody with it. When he decided he was just going to retire and live off what he had in his new barns, stuffed full of what he had, he was putting his faith in money instead of in God, and God called him a fool and said that that night the man's life would be required of the man. What good is money then? It can help with medicine and all, but ultimately, money by itself is not going to save your life, never mind your soul. But once you've got enough for yourself (and there's nothing wrong with stuff--it's fine to have it, and nice stuff, too, AS LONG AS it
doesn't
have
you)
and extra for others, help those others. And while even that won't save your soul (only accepting Jesus as Lord will do that), it helps make it healthier.
I've learned a lot from friends and relatives about this. I know people who are living modestly, within their means and eschew getting more stuff just to get more stuff, because at some point, if you're already comfortable, the question becomes "why"? As in why get more stuff. Another person I know has a huge, generous heart and is willing to share of their resources in a way I have only aspired to so far.
Money is not the root of all evil. Read 1 Timothy 6:10: it says the LOVE of money is A root of ALL KINDS of evil.
Money is a tool. That's all. You respect it as you would a hammer or a saw and you use it wisely.
So why do people get so much stuff? Materialism, which is trying to meet a spiritual need with a carnal (natural) thing. It's why people keep getting more stuff and wondering why they're still not happy. God can help you be more happy. Once your chief pleasure is in him, you'll find yourself much better able to enjoy material things because you're not clung to them, not as attached to them.
Why do I keep on about this? Partially convincing myself. Partially thinking aloud (sort of). Partially because I believe God wants me to share. People do read this blog. And I think, when I'm letting him do the dictating, God speaks to them through it, as well as in many other ways. It can help. It does me.
doesn't
have
you)
and extra for others, help those others. And while even that won't save your soul (only accepting Jesus as Lord will do that), it helps make it healthier.
I've learned a lot from friends and relatives about this. I know people who are living modestly, within their means and eschew getting more stuff just to get more stuff, because at some point, if you're already comfortable, the question becomes "why"? As in why get more stuff. Another person I know has a huge, generous heart and is willing to share of their resources in a way I have only aspired to so far.
Money is not the root of all evil. Read 1 Timothy 6:10: it says the LOVE of money is A root of ALL KINDS of evil.
Money is a tool. That's all. You respect it as you would a hammer or a saw and you use it wisely.
So why do people get so much stuff? Materialism, which is trying to meet a spiritual need with a carnal (natural) thing. It's why people keep getting more stuff and wondering why they're still not happy. God can help you be more happy. Once your chief pleasure is in him, you'll find yourself much better able to enjoy material things because you're not clung to them, not as attached to them.
Why do I keep on about this? Partially convincing myself. Partially thinking aloud (sort of). Partially because I believe God wants me to share. People do read this blog. And I think, when I'm letting him do the dictating, God speaks to them through it, as well as in many other ways. It can help. It does me.
Tuesday, 10 January 2006
ambition?
01.09.06
There was a bit of a scandal with a local pastor doing something he shouldn’t in this morning’s newspaper. I keep thinking this will give those who want to use this as an excuse to not get saved the perfect opportunity to do so. I hope they don’t. I hope they look beyond this, realizing that the pastor was wrong in what he did ad needs help, prayer and forgiveness and then guidance.
Pastors and others in “formal” ministry are held to a higher standard than the rest of us, I think, because they’re more overt leaders. So when one screws up, it causes some big waves and rocks some people’s faith. It shouldn’t because one’s faith should be rooted in God, not in a pastor, however wonderful they may be. Whatever else they are, they’re human and capable of mistakes...sometimes some pretty heinous ones. Not to say this guy should get by easy but to say that people needto keep their, for lack of beter words, distance and perspective. Have faith in God, not in man. Man is fallible. God is not.
Y’know, I think, as Kenneth Copeland implied, the biggest problem with the church today is the church. We can get so hypocritical...not walking in love like we should. If we would walk in love as we are supposed to, our whole lives would turn out a lot better.
Anyway, the point is it’s sad that some folk will use the hypocrisy of errant Christians as an excuse not to get saved. We’re people. We err. That’s why grace is so important--God understands that we screw up and has given us a way to get right with him again.
1.10.06
I’m sitting up at 1:19am--normal for me, as I work nights. I’m antsy. Not nervous but just with a lot of energy and little idea of where to focus it, so it’s kind of all over everywhere. Things aren’t happening fast enough for me. I mean things like the speed of the computer’s opening applications for now.
I wonder if I mean this in a larger sense as well, though.
Right now, I’m listening to very loud music on headphones. Just got done watching _The 40 Year Old Virgin_, which was a pretty good movie, but its music had me wanting to listen to the kind of music I often listen to--loud, hard stuff. Nothing wrong with the soundtrack of the movie; in fact, I might buy that soundtrack. But for some reason I just want loud music. Almost the louder the better.
As I was watching the show, I was thinking sometimes of how well I would do in a movie like that. I’d do well in a lot of movies--that’s not false humility. I just know I can act. Not to say I don’t have a _lot_ to learn, but I can act, and act well. I’ve gotten too many compliments from people who have nothing to gain by such to believe otherwise. I remember, actually, the theater director of the local community college here speculating that the reason I wasn’t nominated for an award for a play I was in was because I wasn’t a student there. Evidently, you’ve got to be a student there to be eligible. Point is, though, he didn’t have to say that and yet he did, and I suspect he meant it. That means a lot to me.
I think that’s what’s not happening fast enough for me, really. The Hollywood thing. If I had applied myself out there, I would have done well. Gone on a key interview at a grocery store instead of vainly trying to get work as an extra. I was too focused on the work and not enough on making a living so I could last long enough to get worthwhile work. Just a lack of drive, I think. I’ve been pretty frustrated with myself for the past year or so over that at the same time as I’m trying to learn from it: prepare by acting in what I can, take advantages of what opportunities are available, think long-term, that sort of thing is what’s going to do the best in the long run.
I’ve got a film going this weekend and am hoping it goes off. Almost all the elements are in place, and at this point I just want to get it done well. Get it edited. Get it out there. Even if it goes _ker-PLUNK!_, at least I’ll have tried and learned from it some stuff I can take to the next project. I’m also anxious to get paid again because I can get a TV, looks like, as well as a printer and pay for the camera rental.
You know, I’ve said it before, but the best way to enjoy your favorite music is to get up and play along. Especially with the type of music I listen to most often. Right now, it’s _Alice in Chains_.
There was a bit of a scandal with a local pastor doing something he shouldn’t in this morning’s newspaper. I keep thinking this will give those who want to use this as an excuse to not get saved the perfect opportunity to do so. I hope they don’t. I hope they look beyond this, realizing that the pastor was wrong in what he did ad needs help, prayer and forgiveness and then guidance.
Pastors and others in “formal” ministry are held to a higher standard than the rest of us, I think, because they’re more overt leaders. So when one screws up, it causes some big waves and rocks some people’s faith. It shouldn’t because one’s faith should be rooted in God, not in a pastor, however wonderful they may be. Whatever else they are, they’re human and capable of mistakes...sometimes some pretty heinous ones. Not to say this guy should get by easy but to say that people needto keep their, for lack of beter words, distance and perspective. Have faith in God, not in man. Man is fallible. God is not.
Y’know, I think, as Kenneth Copeland implied, the biggest problem with the church today is the church. We can get so hypocritical...not walking in love like we should. If we would walk in love as we are supposed to, our whole lives would turn out a lot better.
Anyway, the point is it’s sad that some folk will use the hypocrisy of errant Christians as an excuse not to get saved. We’re people. We err. That’s why grace is so important--God understands that we screw up and has given us a way to get right with him again.
1.10.06
I’m sitting up at 1:19am--normal for me, as I work nights. I’m antsy. Not nervous but just with a lot of energy and little idea of where to focus it, so it’s kind of all over everywhere. Things aren’t happening fast enough for me. I mean things like the speed of the computer’s opening applications for now.
I wonder if I mean this in a larger sense as well, though.
Right now, I’m listening to very loud music on headphones. Just got done watching _The 40 Year Old Virgin_, which was a pretty good movie, but its music had me wanting to listen to the kind of music I often listen to--loud, hard stuff. Nothing wrong with the soundtrack of the movie; in fact, I might buy that soundtrack. But for some reason I just want loud music. Almost the louder the better.
As I was watching the show, I was thinking sometimes of how well I would do in a movie like that. I’d do well in a lot of movies--that’s not false humility. I just know I can act. Not to say I don’t have a _lot_ to learn, but I can act, and act well. I’ve gotten too many compliments from people who have nothing to gain by such to believe otherwise. I remember, actually, the theater director of the local community college here speculating that the reason I wasn’t nominated for an award for a play I was in was because I wasn’t a student there. Evidently, you’ve got to be a student there to be eligible. Point is, though, he didn’t have to say that and yet he did, and I suspect he meant it. That means a lot to me.
I think that’s what’s not happening fast enough for me, really. The Hollywood thing. If I had applied myself out there, I would have done well. Gone on a key interview at a grocery store instead of vainly trying to get work as an extra. I was too focused on the work and not enough on making a living so I could last long enough to get worthwhile work. Just a lack of drive, I think. I’ve been pretty frustrated with myself for the past year or so over that at the same time as I’m trying to learn from it: prepare by acting in what I can, take advantages of what opportunities are available, think long-term, that sort of thing is what’s going to do the best in the long run.
I’ve got a film going this weekend and am hoping it goes off. Almost all the elements are in place, and at this point I just want to get it done well. Get it edited. Get it out there. Even if it goes _ker-PLUNK!_, at least I’ll have tried and learned from it some stuff I can take to the next project. I’m also anxious to get paid again because I can get a TV, looks like, as well as a printer and pay for the camera rental.
You know, I’ve said it before, but the best way to enjoy your favorite music is to get up and play along. Especially with the type of music I listen to most often. Right now, it’s _Alice in Chains_.
Friday, 6 January 2006
Thursday, 5 January 2006
perfect car, spending
01.05.06.
I’m sooo tired of this: living paycheck to paycheck. This is not what I’m believing for, and yet, just due to my own actions, I have tended to overspend and not save for when I need money. I tithe. I give. I just don’t save. I need to tithe and give _and_ save, as well as keeping my bills paid.
Well, got paid, and I’m hewig (sp) to that lesson I learned last night: keep the bills paid, don’t overspend, etc.
Just got back from church, and, oh dear, I stopped by the Honda dealership just to look around. See, I drove a Mercedes today, partially because I was sick of being afraid to even ask for a test drive of a Mercedes. The dealer was happy to oblige, and now I know personally that the Mercedes is a nice enough car, but it’s not really my style. The Honda Accord is much more so my style.
So.
I saw the perfect Honda Accord tonight--forest green, 2001 Honda Accord V6 for roughly 16K, though I don’t know the miles on it. Immaculate. Just perfect. So I prayed and got prayer over it--if it’s the time and right situation, fine. If not, then not. I am reminding myself that this is not a unique car--Honda made a lot more than one of this exact version of this model, so even if now is not the time, God’ll find me another one.
I just heard Keith Moore say something I love: the more blessed you are, the more humble you ought to be. We’re not blessed because we deserve it but because of grace.
Anyway, I’m going to get this up on the web now.
I’m sooo tired of this: living paycheck to paycheck. This is not what I’m believing for, and yet, just due to my own actions, I have tended to overspend and not save for when I need money. I tithe. I give. I just don’t save. I need to tithe and give _and_ save, as well as keeping my bills paid.
Well, got paid, and I’m hewig (sp) to that lesson I learned last night: keep the bills paid, don’t overspend, etc.
Just got back from church, and, oh dear, I stopped by the Honda dealership just to look around. See, I drove a Mercedes today, partially because I was sick of being afraid to even ask for a test drive of a Mercedes. The dealer was happy to oblige, and now I know personally that the Mercedes is a nice enough car, but it’s not really my style. The Honda Accord is much more so my style.
So.
I saw the perfect Honda Accord tonight--forest green, 2001 Honda Accord V6 for roughly 16K, though I don’t know the miles on it. Immaculate. Just perfect. So I prayed and got prayer over it--if it’s the time and right situation, fine. If not, then not. I am reminding myself that this is not a unique car--Honda made a lot more than one of this exact version of this model, so even if now is not the time, God’ll find me another one.
I just heard Keith Moore say something I love: the more blessed you are, the more humble you ought to be. We’re not blessed because we deserve it but because of grace.
Anyway, I’m going to get this up on the web now.
Sunday, 1 January 2006
article, paparazzi, stalkerazzi
There's an interesting article here.
This is the best way to stop "stalkerazzi", those who go too far in their pursuit of XYZ Celebrity: don't buy magazines, newspapers or any other media in which those photos appear. It is public demand for photos of celebrities, often in compromising moments, that enables publishers to award a lot of money to the photographers for such photos. The customers pay for the media. We're the customers, and, ultimately, we hold the purse strings.
So close the purse strings. There are plenty of good celebrity photos from reputable agencies like Reuters or AP, for example, and good magazines as opposed to tabloids and parabloids (magazines which border on being tabloids).
Another issue to address is this: why do we need to see such things? Really, we don't. Some folks just want to. For them, I suggest they consider the price others pay for their moment of amusement and/or voyeurism.
This is the best way to stop "stalkerazzi", those who go too far in their pursuit of XYZ Celebrity: don't buy magazines, newspapers or any other media in which those photos appear. It is public demand for photos of celebrities, often in compromising moments, that enables publishers to award a lot of money to the photographers for such photos. The customers pay for the media. We're the customers, and, ultimately, we hold the purse strings.
So close the purse strings. There are plenty of good celebrity photos from reputable agencies like Reuters or AP, for example, and good magazines as opposed to tabloids and parabloids (magazines which border on being tabloids).
Another issue to address is this: why do we need to see such things? Really, we don't. Some folks just want to. For them, I suggest they consider the price others pay for their moment of amusement and/or voyeurism.
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