I was just watching an Uta Hagen Acting Class DVD, and Uta, a legendary actor and teacher, told one of her actors that the problem with them was that they were a born actor and should be onstage all the time, but they're not, and so when they do get onstage (and this part is my interpretation) they overdo it. It's agony when they're not acting.
I realize for me this is also true. Has been for years, though for a long time I covered it up with the writing. I was just thinking today how I long to be in something and how frustrating it is when I'm not acting in anything. I tell you, it's like a drug--when you're on it and addicted to it, when you don't have it, you're thinking about it and when you do have it, you're in nirvana. You don't want to be anywhere else or be doing anything else. That's where I am.
I am a born actor; I know that now, even though I don't get to do it very much. I just am. I can write, and I love that; I can play the bass, and I love that, but acting is it.
What do I thank God for this time? Revelation.
Friday, 29 August 2008
Saturday, 23 August 2008
on another note
On another note, through a situation at work, I've learned it's okay to ask for what I want--that's valuable.
one leads to another
For those of you who read the Bible, I don't know if this had ever happened, but I was reading today in Revelation, and sometimes I'll miss something or I'll just feel led (the Holy Spirit will give me a nudge) to go over something again, or to read a verse somewhere else. This time, it happened to, I thought, go over one part of the Revelation chapter (2) I'd done, but it was to go read Psalm 4:3. So I did. I thought. It wasn't that positive, but I accepted it, more or less. Turns out it was verse 2. Oh. So I read verse 3, which was much more encouraging. Lesson learned--I felt like God was telling me He appreciated my accepting something He directed me to even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear. _Then_ I got back to Revelation, and the verse I felt directed to was verse 7, and I saw a connection between the verses. In all, it was like three lessons: 1) accept what God directs you to even if it wasn't what I wanted and 2) if you miss it, God will correct me--I've just got to listen, and 3) God can reward my reading and encourage me through His Word. Pretty cool. Thanks, God. :)
I love how God encourages and rewards me through everyday things--including this blog-writing (in the best of circumstances, it's like He speaks through me--and I get things worked out in the writing _and_ get to share Him with others). All I need do is pay attention.
I love how God encourages and rewards me through everyday things--including this blog-writing (in the best of circumstances, it's like He speaks through me--and I get things worked out in the writing _and_ get to share Him with others). All I need do is pay attention.
Tuesday, 19 August 2008
bad news, mudslinging and recession--perception is reality?
“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.”--Joseph Goebbels quote.
Ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecy? It basically says you'll have what you sow. You talk fear, outrage, whatever, and you start drawing that to you not only spiritually but behaviorally. If you're petrified you'll lose your job, maybe you start focusing too much on that and not enough on doing your job. Bam! You lose your job. People say the economy's going to hell and a recession's on. They say it because everybody else is saying it. Media says it because it sells. Fear strikes and people glom onto their money in an attempt to stay afloat, but with everybody not spending and keeping the economy going, or with them hoarding in an attempt to sock money away for themselves because of their fear that money will be scarce it the future, the economy collapses. One group gets convinced because of propaganda about something regarding another group and gets so convinced of it that they take action based on it. The other group retaliates. Bang! You have fighting, stress, strife, even war. Crime happens and gets reported, and some people put their defenses up because of it while others get ideas to do the same crimes.
There's a solution: we must not buy into it. Don't react out of fear and call it prudence when it's not. Get facts, the whole story from the source, don't listen to rumor-mongering, and certainly don't spread unfounded rumors. We need to know what's going on in the world, but even more, we need to know when enough is enough...and remember that there is much good going on in the world as well.
Think. We will have what we say. It would behoove us to trumpet the good.
Ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecy? It basically says you'll have what you sow. You talk fear, outrage, whatever, and you start drawing that to you not only spiritually but behaviorally. If you're petrified you'll lose your job, maybe you start focusing too much on that and not enough on doing your job. Bam! You lose your job. People say the economy's going to hell and a recession's on. They say it because everybody else is saying it. Media says it because it sells. Fear strikes and people glom onto their money in an attempt to stay afloat, but with everybody not spending and keeping the economy going, or with them hoarding in an attempt to sock money away for themselves because of their fear that money will be scarce it the future, the economy collapses. One group gets convinced because of propaganda about something regarding another group and gets so convinced of it that they take action based on it. The other group retaliates. Bang! You have fighting, stress, strife, even war. Crime happens and gets reported, and some people put their defenses up because of it while others get ideas to do the same crimes.
There's a solution: we must not buy into it. Don't react out of fear and call it prudence when it's not. Get facts, the whole story from the source, don't listen to rumor-mongering, and certainly don't spread unfounded rumors. We need to know what's going on in the world, but even more, we need to know when enough is enough...and remember that there is much good going on in the world as well.
Think. We will have what we say. It would behoove us to trumpet the good.
Monday, 18 August 2008
coming home
So I had my first workout today at the new Gold's Gym. It was my first proper workout with proper equipment in a proper gym in perhaps ten years.
I felt like I'd come home. I'm so grateful to God for that--that it feels so good to be back pumping iron.
I'm not leaving again.
I was impressed with the shape my arms are in, but I was significantly less than impressed with how strong they are. I've got work to do.
What is cool, though, is that I can take what I learned last time around and use it now. Things like knowing not to overtrain. You don't make gains by just working harder and harder and more often. The muscles need nutrition and time to heal and grow, so this time out, I'm going to give the one-in-ten idea a try. That is, a single bodypart should not be trained more than once every ten days. This gives the muscle time to heal from the last assault you gave it. I used to train the same bodypart once every week or so.
As to nutrition, well, I do eat a lot better than I did in the nineties. And I have more money for better food, which helps (thanks, God).
The place is pretty cool, everything's brand-spanking new; the gym of the nineties, the weightlifting dungeon, is not what this Gold's is, and yet it's not frou-frou, either. It's got plenty of what you need and none of what you don't. It's even got a swimming pool, which I'm excited to get to use.
I'm also thinking about getting a bicycle--I saw one for about $479.00, which is a lot, but if I use it to go to work and come home, the health benefits are gonna be great. The only problem is finding a bicycle-safe way to go...the town I live in is not bicycle-friendly...grrr.
-Sean
I felt like I'd come home. I'm so grateful to God for that--that it feels so good to be back pumping iron.
I'm not leaving again.
I was impressed with the shape my arms are in, but I was significantly less than impressed with how strong they are. I've got work to do.
What is cool, though, is that I can take what I learned last time around and use it now. Things like knowing not to overtrain. You don't make gains by just working harder and harder and more often. The muscles need nutrition and time to heal and grow, so this time out, I'm going to give the one-in-ten idea a try. That is, a single bodypart should not be trained more than once every ten days. This gives the muscle time to heal from the last assault you gave it. I used to train the same bodypart once every week or so.
As to nutrition, well, I do eat a lot better than I did in the nineties. And I have more money for better food, which helps (thanks, God).
The place is pretty cool, everything's brand-spanking new; the gym of the nineties, the weightlifting dungeon, is not what this Gold's is, and yet it's not frou-frou, either. It's got plenty of what you need and none of what you don't. It's even got a swimming pool, which I'm excited to get to use.
I'm also thinking about getting a bicycle--I saw one for about $479.00, which is a lot, but if I use it to go to work and come home, the health benefits are gonna be great. The only problem is finding a bicycle-safe way to go...the town I live in is not bicycle-friendly...grrr.
-Sean
Friday, 15 August 2008
It's about time! And thanks!
Well, I finally joined a gym again. This is after not being a member of one since...1998 or 1999 or so. Anyway, there's a new Gold's Gym in my town and I joined it. I'm grateful to God for the gym (looks good, nice, convenient location) and the price--I thought it was going to be about ten bucks more per month than it is gonna be, so cool! My sister had checked out her gym for me, which offered the same price, but when I knew which gym it was, I remembered a negative experience there, and so even thought it's under new management, I declined to go check it out again. Now, with the price at Gold's, I get a gym I'm comfortable with at a price I'm comfortable with. As ever, glory to God!
Now I'm out of excuses for not being in shape... :/
Now I'm out of excuses for not being in shape... :/
Monday, 11 August 2008
how little changes
This is a blog I found when I was traipsing through the archives. It still reflects my feelings, and I thought I'd re-post it:
Los Angeles in the fall
Like thousands, perhaps millions, of others, I went to Los Angeles in pursuit of a dream; I was going to be a star.
Then I arrived in Hollywood. Almost immediately, I felt betrayed, lied to, scared and intimidated. That was before I got out of the car. Hollywood wasn't as advertised. Surprise.
I found my way, after a few trips around the block, to the hostel where I was to stay, got a parking place and settled in.
Over the next few days, I drove around to what places I could, took care of getting set up in L.A.. I even took in _The Tonight Show with Jay Leno_ on a lark.
I got registered with Central Casting, got to know some of the people at the hostel and tried to get work. And tried. And tried, until, finally, a woman named Cathy who was also staying where I was suggested I spec the movie on which she worked as an extra. To spec means you go to where they’re shooting, meet the extras casting director and see if they can use you for the day. I didn’t get the job the first or second day, I think, but before long, Marty took me in and I wound up working for, in total, perhaps ten or eleven days on the Adam Sandler remake of _The Longest Yard_ (cool--met Stone Cold Steve Austin, made some friends--great stuff with great people).
I was going to chronicle all the stuff that happened out there, on the shoot and in L.A., but I won't. I feel like I'd be repeating myself. So, the nub of it:
L.A. is like many other places: harsh and kind, hard yet welcoming, expensive yet...well, expensive. Thanks to God, I found nothing but people wanting to help me out, but I was unprepared and didn’t want it enough. Point: If you're going there to be a star, take this in: Want it so much you HAVE to do it; then prepare yourself. Bring four, five grand if you’ve already got a car; be prepared to buy one if you haven’t got one. Even with people helping you, if you haven’t the training, the desire, the work ethic (you're there to WORK), and the resources, you’re setting yourself up to fail. So get them, then go. And be nice. Really, you've no idea how important that is (but here's a hint: you CANNOT make it alone). People will respond in kind.
So I'd like to thank the following people for their kindness, the likes of which I'll never forget:
Keri--for being so welcoming and introducing me to Ruby and Savannah, for wanting to include me
Ian--for showing me much respect and earning mine in the bargain
Mark--for trying so hard for me
Carson--for the listening and the commitment
Cathy--for the open door; I might not have lasted as long as I did out there without you
Carl--for being so compassionate
Paul--for also trying for me. I seriously want to work with you, dude, someday
Dale--for caring so much, for checking up on me, for listening, for being like an uncle to me
Freddy--for also caring, helping out when you could, for supporting me especially at the low point; you're all heart, man
Kendall--for also trying
Sticks--for the introduction to Deadwood
Jesse from the food fight scene and Deadwood--for being so accepting
Marty--for taking a chance on me
Sean P.--for putting up with another neurotic actor
Steve Austin--just for saying hello--I watched you work, and I've so much respect for you
Terry Crews--for being a regular guy, welcoming and friendly to me when you didn't even know me. Thanks for that.
Anybody else I forgot, sorry and thanks. I haven't given up on movies; I'm just going around the back door.
Finally, thank you, God. I learned things on that trip I could never have learned without going to L.A. And now I feel free. Thank You. I love You.
Los Angeles in the fall
Like thousands, perhaps millions, of others, I went to Los Angeles in pursuit of a dream; I was going to be a star.
Then I arrived in Hollywood. Almost immediately, I felt betrayed, lied to, scared and intimidated. That was before I got out of the car. Hollywood wasn't as advertised. Surprise.
I found my way, after a few trips around the block, to the hostel where I was to stay, got a parking place and settled in.
Over the next few days, I drove around to what places I could, took care of getting set up in L.A.. I even took in _The Tonight Show with Jay Leno_ on a lark.
I got registered with Central Casting, got to know some of the people at the hostel and tried to get work. And tried. And tried, until, finally, a woman named Cathy who was also staying where I was suggested I spec the movie on which she worked as an extra. To spec means you go to where they’re shooting, meet the extras casting director and see if they can use you for the day. I didn’t get the job the first or second day, I think, but before long, Marty took me in and I wound up working for, in total, perhaps ten or eleven days on the Adam Sandler remake of _The Longest Yard_ (cool--met Stone Cold Steve Austin, made some friends--great stuff with great people).
I was going to chronicle all the stuff that happened out there, on the shoot and in L.A., but I won't. I feel like I'd be repeating myself. So, the nub of it:
L.A. is like many other places: harsh and kind, hard yet welcoming, expensive yet...well, expensive. Thanks to God, I found nothing but people wanting to help me out, but I was unprepared and didn’t want it enough. Point: If you're going there to be a star, take this in: Want it so much you HAVE to do it; then prepare yourself. Bring four, five grand if you’ve already got a car; be prepared to buy one if you haven’t got one. Even with people helping you, if you haven’t the training, the desire, the work ethic (you're there to WORK), and the resources, you’re setting yourself up to fail. So get them, then go. And be nice. Really, you've no idea how important that is (but here's a hint: you CANNOT make it alone). People will respond in kind.
So I'd like to thank the following people for their kindness, the likes of which I'll never forget:
Keri--for being so welcoming and introducing me to Ruby and Savannah, for wanting to include me
Ian--for showing me much respect and earning mine in the bargain
Mark--for trying so hard for me
Carson--for the listening and the commitment
Cathy--for the open door; I might not have lasted as long as I did out there without you
Carl--for being so compassionate
Paul--for also trying for me. I seriously want to work with you, dude, someday
Dale--for caring so much, for checking up on me, for listening, for being like an uncle to me
Freddy--for also caring, helping out when you could, for supporting me especially at the low point; you're all heart, man
Kendall--for also trying
Sticks--for the introduction to Deadwood
Jesse from the food fight scene and Deadwood--for being so accepting
Marty--for taking a chance on me
Sean P.--for putting up with another neurotic actor
Steve Austin--just for saying hello--I watched you work, and I've so much respect for you
Terry Crews--for being a regular guy, welcoming and friendly to me when you didn't even know me. Thanks for that.
Anybody else I forgot, sorry and thanks. I haven't given up on movies; I'm just going around the back door.
Finally, thank you, God. I learned things on that trip I could never have learned without going to L.A. And now I feel free. Thank You. I love You.
Thursday, 7 August 2008
urgh
So I have been wrestling with letting go: I got that receiver I'd been wanting for so long, and soon after I got it, God reminded me that I should be as willing to part with it as I was to get it, that I'm just a steward of it. This way, I have the stuff, but the stuff doesn't have me. Well, I got a wild hair and was thinking, immediately, "But where will I get another one of these? At this price?" Duh. God. He did it before. Who was I/am I to doubt He'll do it again.
The other side of the issue, though, is that I think He was trying to do something nice for me and wants me to enjoy the thing, but since it's so nice, I have trouble accepting it. Weird, huh?
Anyway, bottom line, I'm willing to be willing to give it to whomever God tells me to and whenever God tells me to. Don't worry about dropping hints--God can handle that. ;) Meantime, I'm just accepting it as a gift of God. Hey, since I'll be giving it away at some point, I think, that does prompt me to take good care of it while I'm its steward.
This time, I thank God for the comeuppance.
The other side of the issue, though, is that I think He was trying to do something nice for me and wants me to enjoy the thing, but since it's so nice, I have trouble accepting it. Weird, huh?
Anyway, bottom line, I'm willing to be willing to give it to whomever God tells me to and whenever God tells me to. Don't worry about dropping hints--God can handle that. ;) Meantime, I'm just accepting it as a gift of God. Hey, since I'll be giving it away at some point, I think, that does prompt me to take good care of it while I'm its steward.
This time, I thank God for the comeuppance.
Monday, 4 August 2008
grateful
Well, my humble car passed one of its most rigorous tests today--about 250 miles in 95-108-degree heat on tires that will soon need replacing. Most cars I've had have balked at temperatures over the 105 range. This one just ho-hummed its way through. Also, God had an acquaintance of mine call to carpool down to the audition to which we were going (it was in a city about 90 miles from us), and the acquaintance not only paid for my lunch and gave me gas money, but we got to listen to some Keith Moore, Kenneth Copeland and Mike Goolsbay on the way--we became friends by our spiritual beliefs and by our acting interest. _And_ a couple of locations have opened up for the film shoot we're doing this Friday, so thanks and praise to God for all of that! :D
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