Love>decision>feeling...?

So for years I was concerned that I didn't love God enough because I didn't feel all warm and fuzzy. Then today I was listening to a service by Kenneth Copeland and God showed me that which I'd known but not put together: love is a decision, not a feeling. You don't have to feel it. I make a decision to love God with all my heart, soul and strength and then just turn it all over to God, and that's it. I can hardly tell you what a weight that is lifted off of me, and looking back, I wonder how I could have let that settle on me. I think Satan, as ever, put it on, like blinders or a veil, but it was me who let him do so. Well, I thank God it's off now and for freeing me, as I wrote a note to myself, from the concern that I don't love him enough. I love God. Period.

"In Jesus"

So I listen to Newspring Church's podcasts, and while I don't always agree with what is said, ofttimes I wind up glad I listened. Such was the case today, when I listened to the podcast. Their youth pastor was going on about Mark 11 and how people abuse the scripture that says that you can have what you say. He told how we not only commit sin but we ARE sin and all this such that I was about to turn it off, but God told me to keep listening. The crux of the matter is how he brought the sermon home: We can have all that stuff, but what we really need to be after is God, not God's stuff. That and this: I'd always had a problem with the phrase "in Jesus". Our desires are fulfilled in Jesus. Our treasures are in Jesus. Stuff like that. I feel like I get it more now: if our desire is to be closer to him, well, he's letting us in, so our desire is fulfilled. And once that's done and set as the primary priority, then all the other stuff can come as well and we can enjoy it without idolizing it. So we can have the new car and the million or billion dollars and still keep it in its rightful place--subordinate to our relationship with Christ Jesus.

Here's the fifty words or less version: when I want what God wants (like for me to be a influence for him, to be a good steward, to be a good man--to love others as God loves me) more than anything else, then nothing else matters. One result of that is I can enjoy material blessings and keep it all in perspective.

I thank God today for enlightenment.

Godly wisdom

So I had a rough day at work, but God just told me something that might be useful for others as well: "everybody" (not including God, of course) "screws up. Don't lose your confidence, or you'll just make it worse." Seems elementary, but as I'm going on in life, and I believe I have LOT more years and a LOT more knowledge, insight and wisdom to get, I'm finding that I often need reminding of these simple, basic principles. Good stuff to know. Maybe that's why they teach some of this stuff first in any good church.

bookmark

Today, I'm grateful to be able to delete a bookmark in my browser--the one that went to one of my credit cards' account management sites--because I won't need it anymore. Praise God for that. :)

rough but good

So today was a pretty rough day in terms of work, but it was a learning experience led by some good leadership. I made mistakes, but I learned from them and now have a lot of time until I go in to work tomorrow to just relax, get some rest and chill. I thank God for good people with whom to work and for solutions to problems and for the ability to learn from my mistakes. :)

foothold

So you know that bit in the Bible that says not to let the Devil get a foothold on you? Here. I just experienced a practical manifestation of that wisdom--and, no, I didn't see the Devil. What I did find was that, often, Satan and/or his demons will try a suggestion on me just after I wake up, when I'm not fully aware yet. Sort of like a more serious version of a sudden craving for ice cream when you wake up. Or orange juice or whatever. Once you let that sink in, you're all about satisfying that urge, but, as in my case, if you are aware of this behavior, you can recognize it right away and say "no". And then, as in my case, that suggestion leaves. So, thank God, I didn't let that urge get a foothold but swatted it away and now it's more or less gone.

It's unsettling to be so under the influence of suggestion. Now, this is much different from, say, needing a pee when you wake up or wanting a drink of water. These are suggestions of other things, and I think if people are honest, they may admit to themselves that sometimes the first thing you want when you wake up is a drug or alcohol or sex or any number of things. But when it's Satan doing the suggesting, it's helpful to remember that the only power Satan has is suggestion. And we can always decline.

I thank God for the powers of refusal, patience and persistence.

today and yesterday

Yesterday I was grateful for a good fitting for the movie in which I'm involved, for more hours at work and for winnowing--for God putting a finer point on some of the stuff He's teaching me--something like that. I still am grateful for all of that.

one down, two to go

Just recently, I cancelled my account with one credit card company after I'd paid them off. It doesn't really feel like anything but the result of doing what I was supposed to do. I thank God for that cancellation, and that the company made it pretty easy for me--just asked why and I told them-- and for the impending cancellation of another bothersome account. After that, one more and that's it for credit card debt.

great drops of blood

Talk about misinformation and what can come of it. It had often bothered me that people say that Jesus sweat blood in that garden of Gethsemane (Luke 22:44. They even came up with a way somebody could do it (hemo-something or other), whereas, as I've read it in every english translation on biblegateway.com, Jesus' sweat became LIKE great drops of blood or AS IT WERE great drops of blood. I find it distressing that, so often, ministers gloss over key parts of verses, rather like when they would say that money is THE root of all evil where the Bible actually says it is A root of ALL KINDS of evil.

Maybe I'm on a soapbox here, but I think that what the Bible says is too important to gloss over parts of.

tables turning

Today I got a check back from a credit card company whom I'd overpaid. This is unusual for me--not often I get money from a credit card company. It's usually the other way round. I thank God, for the speedy reimbursement. I might just use that money to pay off some other debt; I mean, that's what it was designated for anyway... :) As ever, I also thank God for his correction, patience, his love. :)

PRAISE GOD!

PRAISE GOD! I had a great production meeting for my film today with some good suggestions toward making the story better, then after that, I was having coffee with a buddy of mine and I got a call from the casting agency; I got a part as an extra in the Hollywood film I was recently talking about. I know, I know, it's just an extra part, but it's in a Hollywood film with real stars whom people have heard of. It's kind of a big deal, at least for me. And I even got a little more writing done on the script that's going to that L.A.-based production company--the one that gave me notes and not necessarily a flat "no".

I give all the glory to God. Things are building, and it is only through Him that this beginning is possible. Thank you, God.

new stuff

So I had a great day of extra work today--I got to work for another person at both of my jobs and had a GREAT time doing it, especially at the second job where I got to deal with a particular customer ( :D ), and then I got the word that I've been selected to be an extra in a movie, a Hollywood movie, that's going to start shooting around here in a couple of days. I pray, and I ask all those who read this who pray to send up a prayer on my behalf, that the schedules work out between myself and the film company. I'll do whatever I need to even though it's just being an extra. Things could grow from there, and I'd like the experience anyway. And being on-set with these actors, who are household names, wouldn't hurt, just for the experience if nothing else.

So, thanks God for the work and the experience. :)

By the way, I know it's not required that I write "thanks God" in this blog in order for Him to hear me. Seems like an appropriate thing to do, though. :)

How about another smiley face? :)

new opportunities

Today I'm grateful for the potential of added hours at my jobs, which brings more money and helps get me in a better position to make it to L.A. with much more than just my shirt, a smile and a dream. Again, thanks, God.

big stuff

So I'd been wanting to find a promise of God's to stand on regarding this L.A. thing, and after an informative service from Destiny Church's Mark Collier, God reminded me, "...in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." I just laughed with delight at that because I had been looking for so long for something to hold onto. Collier mentioned that God doesn't have a blueprint for our life but a game plan. It doesn't matter what kind of car we drive or whether we wear blue or green socks. What matters is who we are and who we become. We are, after all, ambassadors of Christ.

Also, thank God, I got some help here at work on a sticky problem, but it's solved now. I mention it because it was pretty important, but it's cool now. :)

Thanks, God.

-love, Sean

headphones

So my headphones quit today. So I started looking at new headphones, but I was reticent to spend the money right now--it would be at least $60.00-79.00 for good new headphones. I had them pretty well picked out, but then God reminded me to just turn my iPod Touch off and then on again and, well, at least one side of them works now. A bit of a reprieve for now from unexpectedly having to spend more money. I'm grateful to God for that.

no quitting

So I'm listening to the Believer's Voice of Victory right now--Jeremy Pearsons is hosting and Jerry Savelle is the guest. Jerry mentioned something that I've known for a long time but never really gotten: "...in yourself, you're no match for the devil... if you try to persevere and endure in your might, your strength, your own resources, your own ability, you're just not going to be able to do it. But who said we have to do it in our might. I'm talking about in Christ."

When you go it alone, Satan will defeat you. This is the reason why Christians continue in habitual sin, whether it be lying, pornography, sexual addictions, whatever. We try and try in our own power to defeat these things, but we can't. This is why we need to rely on God's power. With God, Satan is a defeated foe. No contest. It won't be necessarily easy, staying away from whatever Satan's tempting us with, but it can be done in God. What we (I) need is to not quit on God by keeping faith in God. Again, not an easy task, at least not to start, but it gets better as we get stronger.

There's more if you go to this website and listen to the broadcast for 05/12/2009.

faithfulness

Today I'm grateful for God's faithfulness. I look at how fallible I am, and I'm surprised, thought intellectually I shouldn't be, at how God sticks by me. Thank you for that, God. :)

pen and depth

So I was just looking at this precious pen of mine, the one my dad gave me, and it occurred to me even more that by its falling out of my pocket in my apartment, before I went outside and to church, that maybe God was protecting it and/or me. Again, God is the God of the small as well as the big.

Really, I'm just blown away by the stuff God does for me every day. Like my ability to breathe, to walk, to enjoy the rain and the sunshine and the drive to work and things going well on the job. Like what money I still have in bank account. Like my errant eyelashes not often getting in behind my eyelids and, if they were to, the ability, the motor control, to get them out without poking myself in the eye. Like the careful design of the eyeball--how it's actually not so much tender as like leather, I understand. God knew we were gonna get gunk in there, that dust and so on was gonna fly into there, and he made provision for that. Jehovah Jireh (sp?)--my Provider. God my Maker, brilliant beyond reckoning. Thanks, God. Again and always.

Jesse Duplantis--understanding

I'm listening to the podcast of a message Jesse Duplantis is teaching at Grace Church, and he mentioned not to argue with a fool; people will be wondering which one the fool is. I remember being confused about a pair of passages in Proverbs where one verse says in ch. 26:4 (NIV)--"Don't answer a fool according to his folly or you'll be like him yourself" and in 26:5 (NIV)says "Answer a fool according to his folly or he'll be wise in his own eyes". I'd thought it contradictory, but had a sense inside, which would be the Holy Spirit talking, saying it wasn't--there was a reason those two verses were put together. I think it's circumstantial. Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary says, "We are to fit our remarks to the man, and address them to his conscience, so as may best end the debate". Just now, thank God, I feel like the Holy Spirit confirmed what he'd been saying for years: depends on the circumstance. I'm grateful to God for understanding, for the many ways he speaks to me and the patience he has with me.

There are so many things I feel like I should post these days, I might just send out a notification per day and you guys can read them rather than sending a notification every time I post something.

comeuppance--again

So I was just, in my mind, thinking of a mistake a co-worker made, probably because of something in the way he is, something he can't change. Then I made the same mistake. I felt like God was saying, "So what's your excuse?". Oops. Thanks, God. :) I love the way God can chastise me in a way there I know I've been corrected, but I haven't been beat down or made to feel less.

addendum--yes, another one.

I was just thinking of how much I'd like to help a friend of mine do the work they're most passionate about, and I realized something I've sort of known all along but not in such crystalline form: my dream is to facilitate others' dreams. So, for example, if a friend of mine who's a good director needs work, I'd love to be in a position to throw him some, to give him a contact. What's cool about this is I can already help out a bit. Isn't it great when God shows you a further dimension to your dream and also shows you a way you can be working toward it right now?

I thank God for showing me this, and for helping me appreciate it as well as being in a position of whatever influence I am now--and we are all in a position of some influence, even if it's not much.

There's a lot to thank God for today, really. Like money I just found. Like the ability to help somebody out even without money. Like the stuffed tiger I just rescued from the dumpster. Clean. Nothing much wrong with him. Just got thrown out. You don't do that do even a stuffed animal. The stuffed animal could bring joy, comfort to some kid. It's something to hug. The tiger's name is Sal. He's wearing my fedora. It was a little weird coming back into the house tonight after the movie to something on my loveseat.

The Watchmen

So I finally got to see "The Watchmen"--it's at a nice local dollar theatre. I'd understood that it's a love it or hate it movie. I felt neither way--I liked it very much, though. I like movies that are a little demanding, that don't just have things blowing up and people screaming and so on. "The Watchmen" is unlike any movie I've ever seen--in a good way. I like the way it kept moving around in time and yet had a very strong through-line; we were moving around for a reason. The only thing I am not certain about is if I ever want to see Billy Crudup's member again. It's impressive, to be sure, but I'm not sure I needed to see it that much. I will allow that certain others probably enjoyed seeing it though. Even if it was blue.

goal reached

So today I'm thankful to God for not only the reaching of a work-related goal but reaching that goal early. Thanks, God for that. :)

small things?

Another thing I'm grateful for: the way things work out when you listen to the Holy Spirit, who will happily advise you on anything from whether to take a left or a right to whether to marry a person or not. I'd thought to gratify an impulse by seeing "'defiance" tonight but eventually listened and decided against it. I'm having so much fun right now just sitting here eating and watching Star Trek: Enterprise, as I honestly feel like the Holy Spirit helped out, as the Holy Spirit often does, and reminded me (more time to watch these dvds than I would have had had I watched a third movie in a theatre today). It's a matter of time management; do you gratify an impulse immediately or put that off for a bigger gratification instead? Thank you, God, for your Holy Spirit, who advises on small things as well as big things. As Kenneth Copeland says, God is as small as He is big. And he's not too busy to help us with the small, everyday stuff. Thanks God, as ever.

most grateful

My late father made a fine pen for each of us years ago. Today I lost mine through a hole in my pants pocket (which I knew about but thought it's maybe still be okay). When I got to church and wanted it, it wasn't there. I checked back at home when I got back, then went back to the church and didn't find it. Finally, I just released it to whomever found it, asked that God bless them and their use of it and asked that they not lose it, and had a good day anyway, despite losing something pretty irreplaceable. Then, after remembering it and releasing it again, I just found it a few minutes ago. On the floor of my apartment. Safe and sound. I hadn't realized how important it is to me until just after I found it. Thanks and glory to God. Now, that's the grace of God. Things are just things, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be stewarded well. Lesson learned.

one more down, one more to go

Well, I paid off another credit card today, and, glory to God, the balance on it was about $50.00 less than I thought it would be. I consider that found money, so I owe God about $5.00 on that. Thanks, God. Now, one more to go, and I, glory to God, am out of credit card debt! Thank you, God!

(I know I'm repeating myself. I'm pretty happy right now. What can I say? God provides.)

harvest

So I just read the "Higher Fitness Monthly Prayer" from Marty Copeland (daughter of Kenneth and Gloria), and she reminded me to thank God for my harvest. I've already done that privately, but I thought I'd do it publicly as well. God has provided for me in abundance so that I can help others. I don't materially have millions, or even thousands, of dollars yet, but I'm grateful for the ability to do something. Thanks, God, for my harvest--that which has come and that which is coming.

-Sean